A suburbanite with delusions of being a wild-west frontiersman.
* Puts on a pair of snakeskin boots and drives a brand new, sparkling ~$50k short-bed Ford to his middle management job at a major corporation.
* Calls himself a "country boy" but has never even done any form of manual labor and probably has girl hands.
* Listens to "country" (country pop bullshit about "beer, trucks and guns" which virtue signals conservative politics, not real country/bluegrass which is melancholic and mostly about being broke, sad, or shooting your cheating wife).
* Owns 20 guns but never actually goes shooting because he has to drive an hour to the nearest range - will never know the joy of shooting random shit from your front porch.
* Spent $30k on a wedding with a hot gold digging wife who will age horribly and harass supermarket cashiers in her free time.
* Emigrated from California to another state but trash talks Californians who emigrate to other states, thinks he's "one of the good ones" because he votes Republican. Believes other Californians are "spreading their politics everywhere" while destroying old town politics with his own strain of wing nut libertarianism.
* reagan/bush '84 hat
* Puts on a pair of snakeskin boots and drives a brand new, sparkling ~$50k short-bed Ford to his middle management job at a major corporation.
* Calls himself a "country boy" but has never even done any form of manual labor and probably has girl hands.
* Listens to "country" (country pop bullshit about "beer, trucks and guns" which virtue signals conservative politics, not real country/bluegrass which is melancholic and mostly about being broke, sad, or shooting your cheating wife).
* Owns 20 guns but never actually goes shooting because he has to drive an hour to the nearest range - will never know the joy of shooting random shit from your front porch.
* Spent $30k on a wedding with a hot gold digging wife who will age horribly and harass supermarket cashiers in her free time.
* Emigrated from California to another state but trash talks Californians who emigrate to other states, thinks he's "one of the good ones" because he votes Republican. Believes other Californians are "spreading their politics everywhere" while destroying old town politics with his own strain of wing nut libertarianism.
* reagan/bush '84 hat
Unionization rates have gone down and inequality has gone up for the past 60 years because of these retarded suburban cowboys. we should put them in a gulag until they learn how to do real work lmao
by Chuck Shiesty August 3, 2022
A Suburban cowboy is the primary enemy of the Urbanist or other variant known as the Urbanista. This cowboy, not necessary a native of the Plains states, usually inhabits a suburban location, most often a modest house or a garden apartment, who is subject to the anti-neighbor behaviors and customs of the influx of new people from the inner-city or other third-world location. Yes, the cowboy bears the brunt of having to walk around the used condoms and sandal collection of these people, and, most often, this cowboy usually must involve the police on multiple calls.
"Yippee-cuy-ay! Rounded up another urbanista for the immigration coral. Whoppee!!" said the suburban cowboy as he glistened on his most recent victory...
by Risk-Taker December 1, 2006
A suburbanite with delusions of being a wild-west frontiersman.
* Puts on a pair of snakeskin boots and drives a brand new, sparkling ~$50k short-bed Ford to his middle management job at a major corporation.
* Calls himself a "country boy" but has never even done any form of manual labor and probably has girl hands.
* Listens to "country" (country pop bullshit about "beer, trucks and guns" which virtue signals conservative politics, not real country/bluegrass which is melancholic and mostly about being broke, sad, or shooting your cheating wife).
* Owns 20 guns but never actually goes shooting because he has to drive an hour to the nearest range - will never know the joy of shooting random shit from your front porch.
* Spends $30k on a wedding with a hot gold digging wife who will age horribly and harass supermarket cashiers in her free time.
* Emigrated from California to another state but trash talks Californians who emigrate to other states, thinks he's "one of the good ones" because he votes Republican. Believes other Californians are "spreading their politics everywhere" while destroying old town politics with his own strain of anti-union wing nut libertarianism.
* probably believes prosperity theology
* easily grifted by companies like black rifle coffee
* Puts on a pair of snakeskin boots and drives a brand new, sparkling ~$50k short-bed Ford to his middle management job at a major corporation.
* Calls himself a "country boy" but has never even done any form of manual labor and probably has girl hands.
* Listens to "country" (country pop bullshit about "beer, trucks and guns" which virtue signals conservative politics, not real country/bluegrass which is melancholic and mostly about being broke, sad, or shooting your cheating wife).
* Owns 20 guns but never actually goes shooting because he has to drive an hour to the nearest range - will never know the joy of shooting random shit from your front porch.
* Spends $30k on a wedding with a hot gold digging wife who will age horribly and harass supermarket cashiers in her free time.
* Emigrated from California to another state but trash talks Californians who emigrate to other states, thinks he's "one of the good ones" because he votes Republican. Believes other Californians are "spreading their politics everywhere" while destroying old town politics with his own strain of anti-union wing nut libertarianism.
* probably believes prosperity theology
* easily grifted by companies like black rifle coffee
The suburban cowboy, Johnwaynus imitatus, is easily identified by its Reagan/Bush '84 trucker cap. Do not approach under any circumstance or it may attempt unsolicited discussion of gas prices or q anon.
by Chuck Shiesty August 3, 2022