Richmond Hipster

The Hipster is a vile creature who feeds off of what he or she is essentially told is uncool- anything against the mainstream or social norm. A lanky 20something with a blank face and unnecessary nonprescription frames is clinging to his PBR and off brand cigarette. This boy probably has the entire discography for The Smith’s but no turn table. He also has a sad looking dog whose bones stick out at sharp angles all over his body because his new owner has liberated him from the confines of a meat eating household and now feeds him only vegan cuisine. Do not fear this waste of oxygen, a quick blow to the stomach will leave him toppled over on the ground, because all he has eaten is a soy nut bar and an expensive latte from a nonconformist coffee shop.A hipster female has ironic stickers all over her fixed gear bicycle and a smug look that says “I’m better than you because I donate money to NPR every year.” This girl spends her time teaching underprivileged children how to read existential literature and giving vegan to starving homeless people with her Food Not Bombs group. Drag a key across each member of her indie record collection and she will relapse into a mental state of hibernation, for without her precious tunes she cannot possibly survive this harsh world of consumerism and the mainstream. Do not fear the impending hipster apocalypse, eventually each one of these individuals will figure out that it is against the social norm to jump off a bridge and undoubtedly do so.

Oh! I know that Richmond hipster, she tried to get me into Animal Collective and This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb.

Why does that Richmond hipster have a stick where his handlebars should be?

Richmond Hipster by AMMRVA November 26, 2010