Elves

Humanoids with pointy ears who got drunk and would molest Dwarves in the Mines of Moria of the 1st Age of the parallel dimension and world of ours called Middle Earth. They operated from years 5012MD "Mordor Domoni" to 108AM "Anno Mordor". It's unclear why Elves did this but it became a part of Elfish drinking games. 89% of Dwarves were unwilling to allow their ass hole to get sodomized so Elves came up with darts to shoot Dwarves to send them into a sexual ecstacy.

Most of Middle Earth knew the savage acts of the Elves but were unwilling to stop it for fear of open war. Gondor and Rohan were both allies with the Elves and Dwarves but it was a can they didn't want to open. Many Dwarves died during the cruel era called the Stank Mines. The biggest cause of death were exploded rectums causing anal seepage, which in turn led to bacteria infections. The Elves had no remorse.

The Dwarves finally rose up and revolted. Most Elves died due to being allergic to axe handles being thrusted up their anus. This gave coining to the phrase "You rip what you sow", ass holes that is.
These Elves keep raping all of the Dwarfs. Someone should do something to the Elves to prevent this happening all the time.
by The Informant99 January 08, 2012
Elf
The "forest people" they are in literature, such as Lord of the Rings, and are a tall, elegant race that is immortal.
none...
by XfantomcatX April 18, 2003
elf
V. To elf a girl is to reach third base with her, usually secretively, one approach is to hide underneath a blanket, another is to hide in a closet. past tense: elfed
he totally elfed her at that party!
by i<3cheese January 17, 2009
Elves as described by the Dwarves

Elves are smelly, stuck-up, arrogant tree-fondling hippies dedicated to the protection of their concept of nature (focused on trees).

Elven caravans arrive in late spring. During trade, elves will not accept wood, wooden items or any goods decorated with wood.

Elves will, however, gladly trade you their own wooden items. They will not, however, accept their wooden items back. Bunch of hypocritical bastards.

Elven ethics often differ from those of other races. They are likely to be friendly with dwarves, at least until they cut down too many trees. Elves are the only race which wholeheartedly accepts devouring enemy combatants. History shows that an elven combatant will sometimes devour the other person they were fighting when they win. However elves refuse to butcher and consume intelligent beings. Elves find torturing as an example acceptable. To elves, keeping any trophy of any kind is an unthinkable act. Elves allow for killing animals when done in self-defense, and the killing of other elves by an elf is justified if there is an extremely good reason. For elves, the killing of plants is unthinkable. On the other hand, the killing of neutral beings and enemies is acceptable. Elves never offer capital punishment to criminals; instead, elves found to have committed petty crimes are reprimanded, while those convicted of treason, breaking oaths, or participating in slavery are exiled.
Dwarf #1 : Hey why is the elven trade caravan leaving? The outside is swarming with the undead!

Dwarf #2 : One of the children gave the elves a wooden box of diamonds and they refused to stay any longer.

Dwarf #1 : ...want to loot there bodies when they get eaten alive?

Dwarf #2 : I thought you'd never ask friend!
by Dwarven July 15, 2012
Super sexy blondes with pointy ears
Everlasting life usually rangers
Literaly down to earth (only woodland)
Girls love 'em
They are very peacful
And they love lembas bread


Short light weight weapons used
Daggers knives (for otakus) kunai
Bow and arrow
Light long swords

Legolas is one sexy elf
Those chicks are such a green freaks they must be elves

Me: I'm an elf
Red: um barely
Me: yesh I am
Red: o rly nao?
Me: yesh <shoots tres with arrow>
huh sorry tree <hugs>
by Alararíel January 22, 2009
Elf
Sneaky gits with pointy ears.
The elf said: "look! a marble headed walrus called James is flopping about singing along to Barney The Dinosaur!"
Then he stole my wallet while my back was turned.
by Carpman May 30, 2003
Elf
An uppity race of pointy-earred, tree hugging, green wearing, arrow spamming, cookie making faggots that makes an appearance in every medieval fantasy media ever made.

The Elven race, whose members remain within nomadic tribes (or clans), can usually be found in rich forests untouched by general civilization. Due to their naturally long life spans, Elves have centuries to perfect their craft, giving them the right to be 1-upping assholes.

Everything from architecture and cooking to some of the most petty tasks imaginable have been perfected by this race who pass their perfect everythings to their spawn where said abominations perfect it further or seek out their own path to perfection.

Their culture is rich and exclusive, so much so that the general mentality is: If you are not an elf or part of the clan, you are a lowly piece of shit and therefore, fuck you. We are also better than you in every way so if you are not going suffer through the extensive hazing we will provide (if we care to even do it), then you'de best fuck off or we'll kill you.

Aside from that, these assholes have pretty good music and bread.
God forbid you outdo an elf!
by TheTypoPoopcicle November 22, 2014

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