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a. A small town in West Central Pennsylvania

b. The birthplace of civilization (at which time, it just stopped growing, and remained completely primal as the inhabitants continued to abuse pain medication and drive pick-up trucks to Wal-Mart.)
"Hey, yins! Wanna go walk around Wal-Mart?!"
Small city located in west-central Pennsylvania (about 100 miles due-east of Pittsburgh). Well-known for high unemployment, alcoholism, drug abuse, right-wing closed-minded mullet-heads, guys (and gals) who love huntin' and fishin', etc, etc.. It's a town that has more in common with rural West Virginia than the rest of PA.

Locals have one of the most annoying dialects on the planet (mixture of Pittsburghese and Baltimore-ese)

90% of the population is over age 50 (most young adults who grew up there MOVE AWAY ASAP)!!!
See Pittsburghese, and add the following Altoona-English translations:

Hell-eau: Hello
Pheaune: Phone
Crik: Creek
gowon: going
by aaronwa April 22, 2005
Also a city/town in Wisconsin, outside of Eau Claire. Basically, look at the other definition without the translaton need. (eg: drink, hunting, 50% over 50...)

It also seems that there are people in Eau Clarie whp've never heard of it.
Altoona is rather dull, most Altoonas are
by Ty N September 01, 2005
A small town in Western Pennsylvania. Sometimes referred to as "the ghetto Baltimore" or "Mullettown, Arizona." The town is full of rednecks, whiggers, druggies, drunkies, bad food, pregnant teens, terrible drivers, complete dumbasses, and snow. Almost all white people, hardly any black people, Asians, or gingers. The birthplace of Sheetz, the gas station/conveniance store. Most Altoonians live on Sheetz MTO (Made-To-Order) food because it's the most delicious food on the planet. In Altoona, there are more churches than Jerusalem. The Altoona Area School District runs the town's local schools, AAJHS (Altoona Area Junior High School) and AAHS (Altoona Area High School.) Basically, they are run like boot camps and security is up the wall. Altoona is also known for it's trains, the train station being Altoona's main origin. Altoona has many hills, and if you are lazy or physically unfit, you should not attempt to move up here. Also, in the winter, it is very cold (temperatures reaching to the early 20's in the daytime) and has been known to aquire many feet of snow per year, although the schools run by the fatheads at the school district force students to come in anyway. There is nothing for the younger generation (teenagers) to do, rather than go to little kiddie parks like Del Grosso's, go ice skating at Galactic Ice, and go hunting/fishing/etc. Drug, crime, and obesity rates are skyrocketing. Do not move to Altoona, it is a terrible mistake. Trust me, I know.
Girl 1: Hey, you're new, right? Where did you move from?

Girl 2: Baltimore City, Mayland. My family moved up here to Altoona to get away from the city life. We heard it's really cool up here.

by MyGoodnightInAshes February 27, 2011
The sweetest city in existence. It's got the only Super Sheetz in the world, and some trains. There's a mall, too.
I hear that when you die, if you've lived a holy life, you ascend into Altoona, PA.
by J-Rike May 01, 2007
Once a shining, well run city that resembled Pittsburgh in its glory days of industrialism. Now the bastion of human filth and moral deprivation. College students who aspire to go to Penn State, but do poorly in high school are subjected to this unpleasant city, usually for two years. Altoona's resilient community consists of crack dealers, crack heads, crack fiends, and crack babys. Don't come here.
"Dude, did you here about that gang of serial rapists selling crack to three year-olds in Altoona?"

"Which ones?
by PopNasty February 12, 2011
A kick-ass town in Iowa. Only 15,000 people, altoona holds a theme park and a casino
Altoona's Fucking awsome
by thaman1010 March 23, 2011