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See also: Hell

A city in Central Pennsylvania. Usually, people who come from this area are uneducated. Literacy rates are lower here than any other city in the Northern United States. 78% of female teens (under 18) are pregnant. Obesity rates are also among the highest of any other City in the United States.

Altoona is a retirement community, based around old people, waiting to die. It's main commerce consists of drug trafficking and prostitution. Disease runs rampent, as 28% of the city's supply of drinking water is contaminated with protazoan cysts and oocysts, mercury, and DDT.

The population of people under 60 (which is 12%) are all redneck farmers or want-to-be gansters. In fact, i've become dumber just thinking about Altoona.

Main forms of entertainment in Altoona are drugs, racing on the boulevard, and hanging out at Sheetz(a gas station).
Man one: Wanna go to dat der Altoona and hang out down der at da Sheetz?

Man two: *puts gun in mouth* *BANG!*

Man one: Oh no! You got blood on my new overalls!
by Samual Malone January 05, 2011
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A kick-ass town in Iowa. Only 15,000 people, altoona holds a theme park and a casino
by thaman1010 March 23, 2011
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10
A city in central Pennsylvania that once was a nice place to live & raise a family, though now is infested with a scourge of opiates, crack, & blizz. The whole place is crawling with hopeless souls who are so bummed, they use hard drugs to escape the misery of it all. Yet, at the same time, really believe Altoona is the only place that exists. On a lighter note. There are beautiful mountains & lush countryside. It's just 95% of the people are fake & dishonest. They believe that happiness is sinful & that the successful are just something to bitch & complain about. If you go, be sure to visit Sheetz. It's the one shining light of the place & has made it easy for the local population to be the lazy throwaway trash of a society it is. Poor Altoona. Almost everyone there is either a junkie, a snitch, in jail, a drunk, a thief, a liar, a republican, a racist, stupid, or all at the same time, & think that they are great. The place has a cloud of misery stationed over it. Those who think they're above it are actually pretentious downers who suffer from schadenfreude. Charity is an unknown concept & humbleness is seen as being weak. The place is totally backwards & fucked up. Your best bet is to just keep on driving and get the fuck out of there. It's poisonous.
I wish I could get out of this shithole they call Altoona. It sucks.
by Truthful5 May 26, 2017
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