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Trying to Shave a Snake 

A phrase coined by Demetri Martin.. It is used to describe a situation that doesn't work out well, just like shaving a snake. It's just not going to happen.
"You hear Jerry's trying to open that Frozen Yogurt business?"
"Good luck to him.. If you ask me, he's trying to shave a snake."
Trying to Shave a Snake by JollyLama February 27, 2010

If It Were A Snake, It Would Have Bit Me 

An idiom most often used in the Southern parts of the United States. Often heard when older men or women are searching in a general area, looking for a misplaced object. They search for a good while, only to find that the object was a few feet from them all the time. They pick it up, brush it off, grin and say:

"If it were a snake, it would have bit me."
This is because in the rural South snakes are a part of life. Everyone has at least one story about the time they were surprised by a rattler or a cottonmouth.

Guy 1: Where are my keys?
Guy 2: They are right in front of you on that table.
Guy 1: If it were a snake, it would have bit me.

suck a snake 

Sly term meant to say slurping on a meat pole.
Mom: Hey Jerry, can you take out the trash?
Jerry: No mom, go suck a snake
suck a snake by BlackyChan69 June 5, 2016

rad as a snake 

a hightended level of raddness
That party on the weekend was rad as a snake
rad as a snake by alli_sucks March 2, 2009

Leave a snake in the basket

To deposit an extraordinarily lengthy fecal defecation in a toilet and deliberately, in a spitefully manner, not flush the toilet.
After being scolded for not cleaning his room, Johnny decided to leave a snake in the basket to disgust his parents.

There’s a snake in my boot

When you are expecting a fart but shart and it leaks down your leg into your shoe
Dude, we gotta go, I meant to fart but now there’s a snake in my boot