The rules of Texas are a simple, yet unwavering creed held up by anybody who wishes to call themselves an inhabitant of this blessed state.
1. Always go 10 or more above the speed limit.
2. If you ever find yourself in such an unsultry place as dallas (or the “keep Austin weird” parts of Austin) make no eye contact and keep on driving.
3. Whataburger and Dr.
Pepper are supreme. Do not question it, and most of all don’t disagree with it.
4. Oklahoma and Texas sure do hate each other, but it’s like a brotherly hate.
5. Both
california (I refuse to capitalize the c) and Texas sure do hate each other. This isn’t brotherly. californians, (I refuse to capitalize the c) unless escaping and seeking asylum, should be
shot on sight.
6. When flying a Texas flag, make sure to raise it to the same height as the American flag.
7. Never forget that Texas was once it’s own country.
8. Texas is the only place more American than
America.
9. Every Texan has the
God-given right and ability to shoot a
gun.
10. Don’t mess with Texas.
Failure to recognize and comply with these rules
will result in severe consequences and punishment, included but not limited to: revoking of your Whataburger privileges, revoking of your Dr. Pepper privileges, or exile to
california (I refuse to capitalize the c)
Person A:
man I just visited Texas, what an awful place.
Person B: Apologize. Now. You
commie piece of shit.
Person A: why is there a massive crowd trying to murder me?
Person B: you obviously deserve it, you don’t follow The Rules of Texas
