A vast array of pornography and advertisements.

A vast tundra of knowledge, now corrupted and slowly imploding on itself. Those caught on the outskirts enter a void of stupidity and insecurity. Eventually, it will completely cave in on itself, and then explode with such force, we will all be sent to an information oblivion. Random bits of intelligence will float amongst vast oceans of idiocy, and all of man kind will commit suicide in a futile effort to repent for creating such a weapon of mass destruction. God will not accept their sacrifice, and everyone will go to hell, where Satan will get pissed off at the extreme overpopulation of his facilities, and send everyone to someplace copletely unihabitable, like Utah.

the what?

welcome to the internet, where men are men, women are men, and little girls are FBI agents.

The term, Internets, is used only when referring to the uber-secret internet used only by Government and Bush cronies, thus plural.

Dear Reader, the internet you are now on is not the secondary one but the primary one invented by Al Gore. You are on the internet versus the internets.

Something President Push hears rumors on. It is suspected that these internets are hidden from the rest of the world, cause we can only find one so far.

A web of confusion, dismay and pornography.