tradesman's definitions

drag race

1. A competitive event where two cars line up at a common starting point. On a given command, they try to finish first at a finish line 1/4 mile away.(Or from stop light to stop light.)

2. An event when two or more homosexual men try to be the first in the door at a sale.

"Did you see those two old queens collide at Kaufman's? They should've learned that drag racing in a crowded store will get you hurt."

by tradesman April 3, 2003

Riding the cotton clydesdale

An impressive menstrual cycle.

"She's moody today. I think she's riding the cotton clydesdale."

by tradesman April 3, 2003

dash mice

An irritating squeak in the car's dashboard. Occasionally repairable, but a bitch to locate.

Used as singular. There is no "dash mouse".

I had to turn up the radio to drown out the dash mice.

by tradesman April 3, 2003

waxing the weasel

Masturbation.

There has got to be more in life than sitting in front of my computer next to a 55-gallon drum of Crisco and waxing my weasel.

by tradesman April 3, 2003

california

Land of fruits and nuts.

California's a nice place to visit, but leave before you get soft.

by tradesman April 3, 2003

shitkicker

1. A farmer

2. (pl.)A pair of heavy boots.

I had to scrape off my shitkickers before I walked into the house.

by tradesman April 3, 2003

gingerbread fuck

Too much "dressy" trim on a house.

My realtor showed one house, but it had too much gingerbread fuck.

by tradesman April 3, 2003