loxi's definitions

Police Scanner Perv

A citizen who listens intently to a police scanner all day and night so that he will know of all of the fires, murders, robberies, assaults, etc. that occur in his town. The PSP then gleefully informs his friends the next day of the gory details.

The PSP differs from the local policeman, fireman, or EMT with a scanner in that he has a pervy interest in listening to the scanner, not a professional interest.

Dispatcher on Scanner: We have a 10-59 on 25th and Maple; a house is burning, a trauma team and a fire control team are en route.

Police Scanner Perv: Ssh, honey. I am trying to hear the scanner. I think your mother's house may be on fire!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

signing off

A term to describe the act of leaving an area, or agreeing with a project.

Contributor "Loxi" is permanently signing off from the Urban Dictionary today so she can concentrate on delivering her special brand of humor to the unsuspecting spouse, kids, and people in the neighborhood - and to allow other dictionary contributors to have their say.

Long may Urban Dictionary reign!

by Loxi July 23, 2009

sermon

A boring-like speech given for an extended period of time by a so-called expert in his field for the sole purpose of teaching the audience a subject or valuable lesson.

Sermons are often delivered to the audience by total hypocrites, so please tread with caution.

Examples include:

1. Church sermons by a priest/pastor/preacher

2. Commencement addresses at graduation ceremonies

3. Parents to their children whenever they do something the parents used to do that they now feel is wrong

by Loxi July 23, 2009

father-in-law

The sainted man who lives with one's mother-in-law. Generally is known for having great patience.

My father-in-law is a gift from God, but my mother-in-law is a minion of the Devil.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

hunting widow

A state of complete physical and emotional abandonment caused by the husband's preference to hunt animals in the wild for days on end instead of spending quality time with his wife at home.

Wife 1: So, your hubby's away on yet another hunting trip, is he?

Wife 2: (Angrily) Don't remind me. I swear, if I wasn't already a hunting widow, I would kill him myself!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

inheritance

Money and personal property that a hard-working person accumulates during his lifetime that pissant children thinks is their due upon his death.

Below are categories of heir behavior in regard to future inheritances:

1. Grave Watchers: Children who know they will inherit and are just waiting around for the person to die to claim the inheritance.

2. Ingratiating little bastards: Children who kiss the person's ass repeatedly in the hope he will leave his worldly belongings to them.

3. Presumptive brats: Children who assume they will inherit and who foolishly spend money they don't have today, only to find out later they didn't inherit and are now up to their eyeballs in debt.

Inheritances are a gift, not a birthright.

by Loxi July 20, 2009

virgin

A naive female whose hymen has yet to be broken by a male during the act of sex. The virgin species is nearly extinct, as horny male hunters have trapped and taken nearly every hymen in the vicinity. If you are fortunate enough to come across a virgin, sweet words or alcohol will anesthetize her prior to de-hymening.

Virgins are nearly extinct and should be placed on the endangered species list.

by Loxi July 19, 2009