earpuller's definitions

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller July 29, 2008

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller June 13, 2006

college degrees

There are three major college degrees one can achieve: B.S., M.S., and PhD. These initials stand for the following-

B.S.-bullshit
M.S.-more shit
PhD.-piled higher and deeper

class dismissed.

mick: hey, the new engineer's specs are all out of whack!! we'll never get this thing built with these numbers!!
rick: well, buddy, you've just discovered the secret to a college degree. it consists of B.S., M.S., and PhD.
dick: yeah, we all know that, butthead!
rick: are you sure? for these college degrees, the initials stand for bullshit, more shit, and piled higher and deeper!!!
everybody laughs; the engineer in question walks through and they laugh even harder

by earpuller June 22, 2006

booger miner

a person with the disgusting habit of picking his or her nose while visible to the public. nothing subtle about the booger miner's approach-finger(s) inserted beyond the knuckle, accompanied by much digging around. gross? nauseating? you bet!! the verb form is booger mining.

while riding the bus to work the other day, gerry looked across the aisle at the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. astonishing face, magnificent hair, perfect figure, and long, slender legs. he tried to avoid staring at her, fearing he'd appear to be uncivilized and boorish, so he didn't notice that she'd inserted her left pinkie finger demurely into her nostril and began vigorously grinding away. finally he could no longer resist; he had to gaze upon her again. turning toward her, he quietly said "excuse me, i don't mean to be forward, but...." and just as he was about to ask her out, she turned toward him, smiling radiantly, and said "that's alright, go ahead." to his horror, gerry learned that this woman, the embodiment of all that is desirable about the opposite sex, was, in fact, a booger miner, for she had neglected to remove her finger from her nose before answering him. dizziness overcame him as he left the bus fourteen blocks from his office just to get away from the terrible thing he'd just witnessed.

by earpuller June 25, 2006

stacies

plural noun. A gathering of former cheerleaders, often from New Jersey. Their common bond is that they've all had elective plastic surgery to make up for "God's mistakes."
This term is used in a way similar to "a gaggle of geese," "a herd of deer (heard of deer? of course i've heard of deer)," or "a murder of crows." It should never be used in the context of "A Flock of Seagulls," unless the stacies still have big hair.

stacy 1: oh, hi, stacy!! love your hair!! how's your husband, you know, the guy i used to sleep with?
stacy 2: well hello, dear!! he's just fine, thank you. his rash finally cleared up.
stacy 3: hey girls, i can still fit in my old uniform!!
stacy 4: well, considering you were a size 42 in high school, that's no accomplishment.
stacy 5: now that's enough catty talk from you sluts...i mean, you ladies.
don the waiter: oh hell, another group of stacies. lousy tippers and louder than giant stadium.
ted the bartender: don't sweat it man. besides, stacies are good for a quick one out in the parking lot. all you have to do is tell them how young and gorgeous they look.

by earpuller April 18, 2006

Muttstank

a derogatory term for Ford Motor Company's legendary sporty car, the Mustang. The implication is that the Mustang is a dog (mutt) that stinks (stank.) Usually used by fans of General Motors' late lamented Glimmer Twins, the Camaro and the Firebird.

gene: so whatcha gonna do now that yer ex-wife gotcher Explorer in the divorce?
dean: i dunno. i always wanted a Mustang, maybe I'll get a red one.
gene: whatthefuck? why bother with a Muttstank? you might as well walk, or buy a Hyundai.
dean: stfu, at least they didn't discontinue the Mustang like they did the Cramped Arrow or the Misfirebird.
me: wait till they bring back the Challenger!!
gene and dean: who said that?

by earpuller April 18, 2006

Expanding Family Syndrome

the annoying tendency of family groups in stores and other public places to spread out and block access for other shoppers or patrons. seen more often during the holiday shopping seasons, but can occur at any time. EFS can cause unsuspecting people to be forced hard against walls, merchandise displays, etc., or to have to detour around the family group to get at something of interest. similar to groups of aircraft, families often spread into various "vee" formations, echelons, and the dreaded "random EFS," past which nothing can pass, not even light.

this past christmas while shopping at a well-known discount department store, i was accosted by a family of four walking in a row across the aisle. as i was checking out items to purchase, the family came upon me, the dad saying "excuse us," as if i had anyplace else to go. i chose to stand my ground, causing the mom to glare at me and the family to pass me single-file. in this manner i prevented an outbreak of Expanding Family Syndrome.

by earpuller April 27, 2006