earpuller's definitions

professional virgin

noun: a woman who flaunts her "pureness" in public while sucking cock in private. Her image would be sullied if it were revealed that she was just like everyone else in her peer group (sexually active). Could also apply to a man, I guess, but how many guys brag about being a virgin?

the following are examples of celebrity women who could be accused of being professional virgins-

circa 1982-"Hi, I'm Brooke Shields, and I never, ever have sex with anyone! I'm saving myself for marriage!!" (doggy style? ok, Andre!!)
circa 1998-"Hi, I'm Britney Spears, and I'm as pure as the driven snow!! I don't let a boy go all the way with me ever! I'm waiting until I'm married!!" (ok, Justin, but let me mouthwash first. I can still taste your cock.)

by earpuller September 17, 2005

schrute

noun, a schrute is an annoying co-worker, one who specifically attaches himself to you, decides that you're best buddies, and procedes to make your work life unbearable. derived from Rainn Wilson's character Dwight Schrute from NBC's "The Office."

Sorry, I'd have had this report done sooner, but this schrute kept interrupting me with inane questions. that's why it took me three hours to finish a project that should have taken a half-hour.

by earpuller December 30, 2005

the NASA scale

just like a NASA launch, counting down from 1 to 10 while watching the ladies. from a distance she looks hot (a 10,) but by the time she's right in front of you she turns out to be glass-shatteringly ugly (a 1.)

dan and stan are walking down main street when they see a woman at the other end of the block walking towards them-
dan: dude! check her out, she's a 10!!
stan: nah, maybe a nine.
dan: yeah, she's kind of fat. make her an 8.
stan: and her nose looks like an eggplant. 7.
dan: gross! she's got a huge booger, too! 6.
stan: and a better mustache than either of us. 5.
dan: look at her hat-she's got no hair! 4.
stan: except for her legs. 3.
dan: you could open a bottle of beer with the gap between her front teeth! 2.
stan: and she's cross-eyed to boot! 1.
both: ah, houston, we've got a problem-ABORT! ABORT!
dan: thank god for the NASA scale!

by earpuller November 22, 2010

wiki-wandering

after looking up the info you need on Wikipedia, you click on random, interesting-looking links, reading new stuff, until you find yourself reading about something totally unrelated to your original subject.

i looked up "mickey mantle" on Wikipedia. when i was done, i clicked on "new york yankee players," then "world series champions," then on "brooklyn dodgers," then on "leo durocher," then on "laraine day" then on " famous mormons," then on "donny osmond," then on "tv stars of the 70's," then on "david soul", then on "starsky and hutch," then on "tv cars," then on "ford torino," then on "torino talledega," then on "richard petty," then on "stock car champions," then on "alan kulwicki," then on "famous persons from wisconsin," then on "jeffery dahmer," then on "serial killers," then on "howard unruh," then on "camden, new jersey," then on "campbell soup," and then i realized i had just wasted the last three hours wiki-wandering!

by earpuller September 12, 2009

neighbores

simply put, boring neighbors. people who think you really care about their lives when, in fact, you wish you could move somewhere far, far away just to get away from them.

lady next door:.....then she said.....just back from visiting my sister in Peoria.....couldn't find a thing in there.....new recipes for hamburger helper.....never buy a german car, my father always said.....(two hours later).....well, i can't stand here talking all day.....(another hour later).....wait, don't you want to see my niece's picture?
me: maybe some other time. i've got to go in now (escaping to the safety of my own apartment, i close and lock the door, and start looking through the rental ads-do they list apartments under "no neighbores allowed?)

by earpuller June 11, 2006

Palintology

the study of all the various Palins from Alaska (also the bastard who knocked up Bristol, whats-his-name.) this includes such sub-studies as Palinspeech, Palingeography, and Palintics.

joe: so, what's your major at the university?
moe: Palintology. it's the study of all things Palintical.
joe: (stares blankly at his friend for a couple of minutes; then he says) you're fucking kidding me, aren't you?
moe: no! i'm totally cereal! and now i've got to run-part of my course of study is watching bristol on "dwts."
joe: what the hell is "dwts?"
moe: "dumb white trash shitheads."

by earpuller November 26, 2010

timber nigger

noun: NWUP (northern Wisconsin/ Upper Peninsula of Michigan)word for the native population. in other words, polacks, krauts, micks, and wops calling the original owners of this country a foul name derived from the foul name applied to blacks.

joe: hey, let's go ice fishin up north, hey?
moe: nah, dem timber niggers is all protestin again.
joe: about what?
moe: the history of abuse at the hands of the white man, or some shit like that
joe: fuck'em-let's go to Racine and get drunk!
moe: yah, dere hey!!

by earpuller October 1, 2005