earpuller's definitions

situational lesbian

a straight woman who uses the old "i'm a lesbian" line to put off an undesirable (at least in her eyes) guy who is hitting on her. actually, she wouldn't munch the carpet if her life depended on it, but she figures it's better to give a phony excuse to the bozo than to tell him the truth and have it turn out he's a heavily-armed psychopath.

ben: uh, hey jen, would you like to go to the movies with me tomorrow night?
jen: sorry, ben. i guess you didn't know i'm gay. but thanks anyway! (walks quickly ot the other side of the room.)
len: who was that creep? want me to smash his face in for you?
jen: no, he's okay. i just told him i'm a dike and his boner went all soft.
len: wow, you're a real situational lesbian, aren't you? wanna let me fuck your brains out? whoa, looks like i'm too late!

by earpuller November 23, 2010

y.a.n.g.b.

an acronym for a terrible thing for a woman to say to a smitten man-"you're a nice guy, but..." it usually means that the woman in question wouldn't be caught dead with the poor dope, but she doesn't want to make him mad or sad, for whatever reason. this phrase is right up there with the more well-known saying "can't we just be friends?", which of course means "i don't want to know you exist, but i don't want you to think i'm a bitch just because i wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth." ladies, girls, women of the world, can't you turn us down politely and let us know you're just not interested in a romantic relationship with us?

larry-"hey, uh, carrie, i was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime, like out to dinner or to a movie or somethin'"
carrie-"gee, larry, you're a nice guy, but i don't think i can go out with you because (insert lame reason here.)"

LATER THAT DAY-
carrie, to her friends-"holy crap, can you believe that big fat ugly stupid dork had the nerve to ask me out? what does he think, i'm a blind desperate retard?"
MEANWHILE, ACORSS TOWN-
barry-"hey, man, so did you ask her out?"
larry-"yeah, but she gave me the old y.a.n.g.b. goddamned stupid stuck-up little bitch."
barry-"sucks to be you, moron!!"
larry-"gee, thanks, asshole. with friends like you, who needs enemies?"

by earpuller November 21, 2007

kardash

having many or all of the characteristics of one of the famous Kardashian sisters (how come we never hear about the unfamous Kardashian sisters?) These include well-oversized posteriors, excessive use of eye makeup, black hair that surely came from a bottle, and a vocal quality that makes Fran Drescher sound like an accomplished Broadway actress.

tony: hey, did you see the new receptionist? big ole' butt, and racoon eyes.
donie: and that voice! she sounds all kardash, like those sisters on TV.....what was their name again?
tony: you mean the Kardashians? that's the name you can't remember. how kardash of you.
donie: yeah. speaking of kardash, what kind of printers' ink does your mom use to keep her youthful appearance?

by earpuller December 7, 2010

true dat

meaning 1: that is true. Replaces "word" or "word up" in urban slang.
meaning 2: how a Milwaukeean says "threw that."
meaning 3: an instruction given to a bike repairman concerning an out-of-alignment wheel.

1: ike: man, something smells bad in here!
mike: true dat! but he who smelled it ,dealt it.
2: Dat pile of trash? I true dat in da garbage yesterday, hey.
3: pat:my bike wheel is a little bent!
matt: yeah, we can true dat. it'll roll straight as an arrow.

by earpuller October 10, 2005

guacamole shower

a rare phenomenon caused by the unrestricted spillage of guacamole dip. often caused by an exploding guacagrenade, the guacamole shower leaves everything in its path stained an avocado green, at least until the next rainstorm.

as lisa tried to pick up the serving bowl of guacamole dip, it slipped from her greasy hands and crashed to the table, strewing green stuff everywhere. "nice guacamole shower, lisa," tammi yelled, "i hope it rains soon, or at least before mom and dad get back from cancun."

by earpuller July 16, 2006

judge joe brown

verb-to be told off or schooled by an older man, who is probably right for getting on your ass. If it's an older woman, use the verb judge judy.

bobby: when my dad finds out i wrecked his car he's gonna judge joe brown me for hours.

by earpuller October 1, 2005

pushing water uphill

a descriptive phrase for attempting any hopeless task. If you've ever tried to push water uphill you'll understand the concept.

literal-Part of my job involves clearing water from the floor of my work station. Because the floor is pitched away from the drain, it takes an inordinate amount of time to clear the water, because I'm always pushing it uphill.
figurative-Asking your boss for a raise in these times of tight money makes as much sense as pushing water uphill.

by earpuller January 19, 2006