77 definitions by earpuller

a serious medical condition, wherein your cranium, or brain, has changed places with your rectum, or asshole. it can lead to jail time, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, loss of job and/or income, and public embarrassment.
joey: oh man, i can't believe i broke up with chloe; she's the best thing that ever happened to me. how could i be so stupid?
zoey: you may have been suffering from rectal-cranial inversion. you may still be. consult your psychologist or your proctologist as soon as possible.
joey: thanks, you're a real pal. i guess i need a tractor.
zoey: for what?
joey: to pull my head out of my ass!!
zoey: true dat.
by earpuller May 10, 2006
1. one who engages in sexual activities on public transport, especially on trains in the chicagoland area.
2. one who gets all wet thinking about trains, especially commuter trains in chicago.
3. how a southern gentleman might pronounce "metrosexual."
1. hey guys, kelly blew me while we were riding home to fox lake on the train. maybe she'll fuck me if we ride the elgin line!!
2. ohmigod, i almost missed the 5:35 westbound to aurora.....wait, here it comes....ohhhh..... ooooooohhhh....... aaahhhhhhh. that was great.
3. son, what in hail do you mean, "ah'm a metrasexual, grampa?" does that mean yer one a those nancy boys from new york city?
by earpuller April 13, 2006
a descriptive phrase for attempting any hopeless task. If you've ever tried to push water uphill you'll understand the concept.
literal-Part of my job involves clearing water from the floor of my work station. Because the floor is pitched away from the drain, it takes an inordinate amount of time to clear the water, because I'm always pushing it uphill.
figurative-Asking your boss for a raise in these times of tight money makes as much sense as pushing water uphill.
by earpuller January 15, 2006
noun: the victim of a pantsing. A pantsie is the guy you see at the mall or walking down the street wearing his pants low on the hips so you can see his skinny little ass, and also the fact that he wears bargain-basement boxers. You would create a pantsie by pulling down his pants. Usually a wannabe of some sort, as a pantsie must do something to show the world how great he wishes he were. BTW-why are pantsies only guys?
Imagine you're walking behind someone flashing his butt crack and his dirty shorts (change them once in a while, jag-off!) letting the world know he's secure in his surroundings, unafraid of being exposed for what he really is (an insecure loser). As a public service you decide to finish the job he started by lowering his pants to floor level, preferably while in the presence of the girl he really likes, or the kids who hate him. VOILA!! You have created a pantsie.
by earpuller September 14, 2005
noun: a very small penis. Often used as a general putdown for males who actually have normal or even large peckers.
ed: hey dude, i heard you need tweezers to jack off.
fred: yeah, that girl you tried to screw last week told all her friends she needed a magnifying glass just to see if you were hard!
ted: and so, you have been revealed as the possessor of a midget digit!!
ned: damn! oh well, good thing my tongue is as long as my arm!!

by earpuller September 22, 2005
a person with the disgusting habit of picking his or her nose while visible to the public. nothing subtle about the booger miner's approach-finger(s) inserted beyond the knuckle, accompanied by much digging around. gross? nauseating? you bet!! the verb form is booger mining.
while riding the bus to work the other day, gerry looked across the aisle at the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. astonishing face, magnificent hair, perfect figure, and long, slender legs. he tried to avoid staring at her, fearing he'd appear to be uncivilized and boorish, so he didn't notice that she'd inserted her left pinkie finger demurely into her nostril and began vigorously grinding away. finally he could no longer resist; he had to gaze upon her again. turning toward her, he quietly said "excuse me, i don't mean to be forward, but...." and just as he was about to ask her out, she turned toward him, smiling radiantly, and said "that's alright, go ahead." to his horror, gerry learned that this woman, the embodiment of all that is desirable about the opposite sex, was, in fact, a booger miner, for she had neglected to remove her finger from her nose before answering him. dizziness overcame him as he left the bus fourteen blocks from his office just to get away from the terrible thing he'd just witnessed.
by earpuller June 24, 2006
the feeling you get when someone jinxes you, and you swear it's been done before, but you can't remember where or when.
tammy: boy, i've had this burning, stinging sensation in my back for an hour now.
sammy: maybe you should see a doctor?
tammy: i thought about it, but i've had this pain before; it's like someone's poking me with a giant pin.
sammy: well then, you do need a doctor-a witch doctor!! maybe he can remove the curse that's been put on you. you say you've had this pain before?
tammy: yeah, a couple of times. last time was when i broke up with hammie again; all of a sudden i had these terrible shooting pains.
sammy: you know, hammie practices witchcraft and other dark arts. perhaps he made a voodoo doll of you, and every time the two of you get into it, he goes home and sticks it with needles.
tammy: so you think this is a case of-
sammy: -that's right, tammy. you're suffering from deja voodoo.
tammy: can it be treated?
sammy: not with western medicine. you must travel to haiti and see a witch doctor; he'll set you right.
*meanwhile, in another part of town, hammie has grabbed another needle......*
by earpuller July 18, 2006

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