77 definitions by earpuller

noun: a woman who flaunts her "pureness" in public while sucking cock in private. Her image would be sullied if it were revealed that she was just like everyone else in her peer group (sexually active). Could also apply to a man, I guess, but how many guys brag about being a virgin?
the following are examples of celebrity women who could be accused of being professional virgins-

circa 1982-"Hi, I'm Brooke Shields, and I never, ever have sex with anyone! I'm saving myself for marriage!!" (doggy style? ok, Andre!!)
circa 1998-"Hi, I'm Britney Spears, and I'm as pure as the driven snow!! I don't let a boy go all the way with me ever! I'm waiting until I'm married!!" (ok, Justin, but let me mouthwash first. I can still taste your cock.)
by earpuller September 17, 2005
noun: a way to refer to Illinoisans that would offend your grandma if you spelled it out for her. The grandma version of FIB is flat lander.
little timmy: Holy shit, Grandma!! Look at all the God-damned FIBS on the highway today!!
Grandma: timmy!! Where'd you learn to talk like that? Never refer to them as FIBs; it's offensive. Call those bastards "flatlanders."
by earpuller September 21, 2005
the key word in a classic "knock-knock" joke.
pat: knock-knock!
nat: who's there?
pat: argo.
nat: argo who?
by earpuller November 17, 2010
verb-to be told off or schooled by an older man, who is probably right for getting on your ass. If it's an older woman, use the verb judge judy.
bobby: when my dad finds out i wrecked his car he's gonna judge joe brown me for hours.
by earpuller September 26, 2005
the punch line of an insult used in northern New Jersey during the 60's and 70's. made no sense then, makes no sense now, but still kind of funny.
carly: man, you think you're hot shit in a wine glass, but you're just cold diarrhea in a paper cup.
farley: that's so funny i forgot to laugh!
charlie: you're both about as funny as a cigarette machine in a cancer ward.
carly and farley: huh?
by earpuller January 01, 2006
another way of saying butterface, referring to someone who is 8/9ths perfect, but the uppermost 1/9th is a killer. one can say "nnd" for short.
you see her standing on line, waiting to check out. expensive high-heel FMs, tan hose, long slender legs, perfect heart-shaped butt, gently curving hips, slim waist, large firm breasts, elegant neck. the ideal woman.........and then she turns toward you........and has a face like the dark side of the moon. oh well, they all look the same with the lights out. this is the essence of nice from the neck down.
by earpuller November 07, 2005
the annoying tendency of family groups in stores and other public places to spread out and block access for other shoppers or patrons. seen more often during the holiday shopping seasons, but can occur at any time. EFS can cause unsuspecting people to be forced hard against walls, merchandise displays, etc., or to have to detour around the family group to get at something of interest. similar to groups of aircraft, families often spread into various "vee" formations, echelons, and the dreaded "random EFS," past which nothing can pass, not even light.
this past christmas while shopping at a well-known discount department store, i was accosted by a family of four walking in a row across the aisle. as i was checking out items to purchase, the family came upon me, the dad saying "excuse us," as if i had anyplace else to go. i chose to stand my ground, causing the mom to glare at me and the family to pass me single-file. in this manner i prevented an outbreak of Expanding Family Syndrome.
by earpuller April 11, 2006

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