pseudonym

noun: false name used-
1. as a stage name for entertainers,
2. conceal the identity of someone,
3. piss off a person temporarily in charge, i.e. substitute teacher.

1. Ringo Starr is the pseudonym used by Richard Starkey, famous drummer and member of The Beatles.
2. The FBI operative who gave information to Woodward and Bernstein concerning the Watergate break-in was known as "Deep Throat" to hide his true identity.
3. Some of my favorite pseudonyms used to upset substitute teachers are Chuck U. Farley, Dick Hertz, Mike Hunt, Mike Ockisore, Harry Pomms, Mike Rotchitchez, and Harry Bolles.

by earpuller October 10, 2005

ass dragon

a semi-mythical creature, often seen in industrialized areas of the world. in common with other dragons, the ass dragon is a winged creature, but due to its extra-large posterior, it is incapable of flight (sometimes it is incapable of walking up stairs.) anywhere it walks it leaves a set of deep, broad, round furrows caused by its buttocks cheeks scraping the ground due to exhaustion after a long day's work. as well as belching fire from its snout, the ass dragon often releases noxious fumes from deep within its rear end.

outside the old factory, you can still see the ass dragon's tracks, usually filled with rainwater and colored dyes, and sometimes, after a rainstorm, one can catch the scent of sulfurous compounds emanating from the center of the tracks.

by earpuller November 06, 2007

FIB

noun: a way to refer to Illinoisans that would offend your grandma if you spelled it out for her. The grandma version of FIB is flat lander.

little timmy: Holy shit, Grandma!! Look at all the God-damned FIBS on the highway today!!
Grandma: timmy!! Where'd you learn to talk like that? Never refer to them as FIBs; it's offensive. Call those bastards "flatlanders."

by earpuller October 10, 2005

emu

half of a comedy pair from the 70's, Rod Hull and Emu. Emu was actually a very large hand puppet; Rod's hand was the emu's head, and his "arm" was a fake, so it looked like he was carrying the large bird. Their routine was not too funny at first, until the emu began to respond to the bad jokes and puns Rod was saying. The emu would make strange faces, stick out his tongue, and mimic his handler, leading Rod to believe he was actually funny. Usually the act ended when the emu attacked Rod. This explanation will make no sense to people who haven't seen it (you young people) but those who came of age in the 70's and 80's Rod Hull and Emu rank with Monty Python and the original cast of Saturday Night Live.

I can't remember which shows they appeared on, but Rod Hull and Emu did all kinds of variety, skit comedy, and kids shows in the 70's.

by earpuller December 28, 2005

situational lesbian

a straight woman who uses the old "i'm a lesbian" line to put off an undesirable (at least in her eyes) guy who is hitting on her. actually, she wouldn't munch the carpet if her life depended on it, but she figures it's better to give a phony excuse to the bozo than to tell him the truth and have it turn out he's a heavily-armed psychopath.

ben: uh, hey jen, would you like to go to the movies with me tomorrow night?
jen: sorry, ben. i guess you didn't know i'm gay. but thanks anyway! (walks quickly ot the other side of the room.)
len: who was that creep? want me to smash his face in for you?
jen: no, he's okay. i just told him i'm a dike and his boner went all soft.
len: wow, you're a real situational lesbian, aren't you? wanna let me fuck your brains out? whoa, looks like i'm too late!

by earpuller November 23, 2010

professional virgin

noun: a woman who flaunts her "pureness" in public while sucking cock in private. Her image would be sullied if it were revealed that she was just like everyone else in her peer group (sexually active). Could also apply to a man, I guess, but how many guys brag about being a virgin?

the following are examples of celebrity women who could be accused of being professional virgins-

circa 1982-"Hi, I'm Brooke Shields, and I never, ever have sex with anyone! I'm saving myself for marriage!!" (doggy style? ok, Andre!!)
circa 1998-"Hi, I'm Britney Spears, and I'm as pure as the driven snow!! I don't let a boy go all the way with me ever! I'm waiting until I'm married!!" (ok, Justin, but let me mouthwash first. I can still taste your cock.)

by earpuller September 17, 2005

yer what hurts?

a humorous all-purpose interjection used after someone makes a curious statement. intended to bring smiles to all persons in the immediate vicinity. heard frequently in the mid-eighties in and around smegwaukee.

charley: hey, that guy looks like renee zellweger, except that she's a girl and he's not
harley: YER WHAT HURTS?

don: man, i'd better get a move on, i've got a big exam tomorrow.
john: yer what hurts?
don: oh shut up, dickless moron!!
john: wow, that hurts, man. *sobs quietly*
don: YER WHAT HURTS?

by earpuller December 28, 2005