scrubbing rust

another way of describing a useless task to be performed. similar to pushing water uphill, scrubbing rust is pointless to anyone with half a brain. therefore, most managers and supervisors can't understand why you don't want to do the job at hand.

big boss man-ok, after you get done pushing water uphill, you and eddie take apart that holding tank and start scrubbing rust. we need it super clean and sanitary.
me and eddie-you've got to be fucking kidding me!! how does scrubbing rust clean anything? it just wastes time.
big boss man-hey, i'm in charge around here, and you'll do as i say or you'll be fired! understood?
me and eddie-understood. fire away, asshole!!

by earpuller July 14, 2006

cyclops

a car with one headlight burned out. it's tough to see one at night because you don't know which side is working, possibly leading to a head-on collision.

last night, while coming home, i almost wrecked my car swerving to avoid a cyclops coming at me on the wrong side of the road.

by earpuller September 13, 2009

nice from the neck down

another way of saying butterface, referring to someone who is 8/9ths perfect, but the uppermost 1/9th is a killer. one can say "nnd" for short.

you see her standing on line, waiting to check out. expensive high-heel FMs, tan hose, long slender legs, perfect heart-shaped butt, gently curving hips, slim waist, large firm breasts, elegant neck. the ideal woman.........and then she turns toward you........and has a face like the dark side of the moon. oh well, they all look the same with the lights out. this is the essence of nice from the neck down.

by earpuller December 28, 2005

schrute

noun, a schrute is an annoying co-worker, one who specifically attaches himself to you, decides that you're best buddies, and procedes to make your work life unbearable. derived from Rainn Wilson's character Dwight Schrute from NBC's "The Office."

Sorry, I'd have had this report done sooner, but this schrute kept interrupting me with inane questions. that's why it took me three hours to finish a project that should have taken a half-hour.

by earpuller December 30, 2005

on-ramp blocking

the practice of preventing a driver from safely merging onto a freeway or other high-speed roadway. this is accomplished by the blocking car driving at the same speed as the merging car, and directly slongside. this action usually causes the merging driver to back off and merge behind the blocker; sometimes, though, the two cars collide because neither one gives way. often associated with NASCAR fans on public roads, on-ramp blocking is also common in major metropolitan areas.

jed: man, i couldn't believe it!! i was trying to get on the freeway, but some clown in a hyundai accent decided to ride alongside of me until we almost crashed at the entrance. what a jag-off!
ned: yeah, too many people commit random acts of on-ramp blocking these days. i'll take the back roads and avoid trouble.

by earpuller July 02, 2006

the NASA scale

just like a NASA launch, counting down from 1 to 10 while watching the ladies. from a distance she looks hot (a 10,) but by the time she's right in front of you she turns out to be glass-shatteringly ugly (a 1.)

dan and stan are walking down main street when they see a woman at the other end of the block walking towards them-
dan: dude! check her out, she's a 10!!
stan: nah, maybe a nine.
dan: yeah, she's kind of fat. make her an 8.
stan: and her nose looks like an eggplant. 7.
dan: gross! she's got a huge booger, too! 6.
stan: and a better mustache than either of us. 5.
dan: look at her hat-she's got no hair! 4.
stan: except for her legs. 3.
dan: you could open a bottle of beer with the gap between her front teeth! 2.
stan: and she's cross-eyed to boot! 1.
both: ah, houston, we've got a problem-ABORT! ABORT!
dan: thank god for the NASA scale!

by earpuller November 22, 2010

y.a.n.g.b.

an acronym for a terrible thing for a woman to say to a smitten man-"you're a nice guy, but..." it usually means that the woman in question wouldn't be caught dead with the poor dope, but she doesn't want to make him mad or sad, for whatever reason. this phrase is right up there with the more well-known saying "can't we just be friends?", which of course means "i don't want to know you exist, but i don't want you to think i'm a bitch just because i wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth." ladies, girls, women of the world, can't you turn us down politely and let us know you're just not interested in a romantic relationship with us?

larry-"hey, uh, carrie, i was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime, like out to dinner or to a movie or somethin'"
carrie-"gee, larry, you're a nice guy, but i don't think i can go out with you because (insert lame reason here.)"

LATER THAT DAY-
carrie, to her friends-"holy crap, can you believe that big fat ugly stupid dork had the nerve to ask me out? what does he think, i'm a blind desperate retard?"
MEANWHILE, ACORSS TOWN-
barry-"hey, man, so did you ask her out?"
larry-"yeah, but she gave me the old y.a.n.g.b. goddamned stupid stuck-up little bitch."
barry-"sucks to be you, moron!!"
larry-"gee, thanks, asshole. with friends like you, who needs enemies?"

by earpuller November 21, 2007