earpuller's definitions

barf bag

noun: 1. a paper bag supplied by airlines in case of air sickness.
2. a person who seems about as attractive as such an item.

1. passenger on airplane-whew, I feel sick to my stomach! I've gotta use the barf bag..........(RALPH).........man, shoulda used dramamine.....(SPEW)................
2. upset citizen-hey, barf bag! Keep yer fucking dog off my lawn and turn down that god-damned radio!!! And get a haircut!!!

by earpuller December 28, 2005

metrasexual

1. one who engages in sexual activities on public transport, especially on trains in the chicagoland area.
2. one who gets all wet thinking about trains, especially commuter trains in chicago.
3. how a southern gentleman might pronounce "metrosexual."

1. hey guys, kelly blew me while we were riding home to fox lake on the train. maybe she'll fuck me if we ride the elgin line!!
2. ohmigod, i almost missed the 5:35 westbound to aurora.....wait, here it comes....ohhhh..... ooooooohhhh....... aaahhhhhhh. that was great.
3. son, what in hail do you mean, "ah'm a metrasexual, grampa?" does that mean yer one a those nancy boys from new york city?

by earpuller April 28, 2006

smegwaukee

noun 1: in general, a put-down for Milwaukee.
noun 2: specifically, in the early 80s (and for many years previously) Milwaukee had a unique, nauseating odor. It was a combination of brewery smells, general industrial funk, and the scent of dead alewives (a fish of some sort). Now the brewers are almost all gone (none are downtown anymore), most of the industries have cleaned up or moved away, and the alewives? Who knows!! Who cares!!

meaning 1-
guy from west alice-shit! I just got transferred to downtown smegwaukee!! fuck it, i'm moving to racine.
guy from creamfield (or creamdale)-don't forget kenosha!! That's where they used to make Ramblers.
meaning 2-
guy from snorewood: goin' to smegwaukee tonight?
guy from whitefolks bay: fuck that shit-i can smell that stuff just by lifting the toilet seat.
girl from fuquon-or by sniffing my snatch!!
guy from phlegmdale-ok, you're on, baby!!!

by earpuller September 27, 2005

cruise control creeping

the act of allowing an automobile to approach the car ahead because the driver has set his cruise control but is not paying attention to traffic conditions. the noun form of the phrase is "cruise control creeper."

while driving down a two-lane country road, i noticed in my rear view mirror a large foreign sedan approaching my car from behind. his speed was almost the same as mine, just a little quicker, so his approach was pretty slow. still, he kept on getting closer, until i could no longer see his front bumper. suddenly, just as i thought he was going to ram me, he swerved left and passed me at a rapid pace, glaring at me as he passed. he left me behind at the same slow rate as he approached me. i figured he was cruise control creeping, because he was gabbing on a cell phone. to avoid becoming a cruise control creeper myself, i reset my own cruise control and let the other car go about his merry way. after i flipped him off.

by earpuller November 6, 2007

dirty dining

performing oral sex on a woman.

Courtney Gerrish of WTMJ-TV Channel 4 in Milwaukee was the reporter on a story about "Dirty Dining." She's tall, thin, blonde........I'd like to do a little dirty dining with her...on my face!!

by earpuller July 13, 2006

Human Resources

If a company is a house, then Human Resources is the septic tank; all the shit goes there. Human Resources, better known as HR, is the lowest place in a corporation's hierarchy, although they make themselves important by gaining the ability to control who works and who doesn't. To be a success in HR one must lose all trace of humanity and become a robot (becoming a whore is also advisable.) To paraphrase Willie Nelson,"mommas, dont let your babies grow up to be HR drones, don't let 'em be robots or whores or sluts, make 'em be robbers or car thieves and such....."

when i was a child, i thought like a child, but when i grew up and started working in Human Resources, i knew i had lost my soul, and to appease my new gods i fired my best friend, my girlfriend, my brother, an Iraqi war veteran with a silver star and a distinguished service cross, and the guy who saved me from drowning when i was a kid. what a good day's work!!

by earpuller December 2, 2010

Muttstank

a derogatory term for Ford Motor Company's legendary sporty car, the Mustang. The implication is that the Mustang is a dog (mutt) that stinks (stank.) Usually used by fans of General Motors' late lamented Glimmer Twins, the Camaro and the Firebird.

gene: so whatcha gonna do now that yer ex-wife gotcher Explorer in the divorce?
dean: i dunno. i always wanted a Mustang, maybe I'll get a red one.
gene: whatthefuck? why bother with a Muttstank? you might as well walk, or buy a Hyundai.
dean: stfu, at least they didn't discontinue the Mustang like they did the Cramped Arrow or the Misfirebird.
me: wait till they bring back the Challenger!!
gene and dean: who said that?

by earpuller April 18, 2006