earpuller's definitions

field vasectomy

an informally performed surgery, usually without benefit of anasthesia, sterilization, or any kind of hygienic preparation. similar procedures include field castration, field lobotomy, field amputation, etc. in all cases the patient is someone deserving of rough treatment, and the surgeon is the person providing it.

harry: did you hear about cary? his girlfriend found out he was cheating on her, so she gave him a field vasectomy.
larry: ouch!! did she use any instruments?
harry: well, mostly she used her hands, feet, and knees. she did threaten to perform a field castration with a rusty spoon if she caught him cheating again.
larry: jeez, what a dumb fuck. he should have worn a cup.

by earpuller December 28, 2005

engaged

Ebonics/whitetrashian word meaning "shacked up with someone with whom I have brought a bastard child into the world but by referring to our selves as "engaged" I take the curse off the casual sexual relationship that produced an illegitimate child which will be disavowed by the father at the first sign of troule or commitment."

ex. 1-Laqueefa and Tyrone done shacked up, den da bitch get herself knocked up cos she dint use no berf control, but since tyrone dint have no job an his momma doan want him living with her no mo, so he still be living wif laqueefa until da judge order him to pay a sediment fo dat bastard chile, so dat means laqueefa and tyrone bein engaged.

ex. 2-wail, my babydaddy luther and ah done had us a little bundle of joy, but we ain't married er nuthin', we's jest engaged, even though luther ain't bought me no ring er nuthin', he's gotta buy a new motor fer his F-150. b'sides, we don't need no piece a paper to tell us we love each other, now do we?

by earpuller December 7, 2010

barf bag

noun: 1. a paper bag supplied by airlines in case of air sickness.
2. a person who seems about as attractive as such an item.

1. passenger on airplane-whew, I feel sick to my stomach! I've gotta use the barf bag..........(RALPH).........man, shoulda used dramamine.....(SPEW)................
2. upset citizen-hey, barf bag! Keep yer fucking dog off my lawn and turn down that god-damned radio!!! And get a haircut!!!

by earpuller December 28, 2005

metrasexual

1. one who engages in sexual activities on public transport, especially on trains in the chicagoland area.
2. one who gets all wet thinking about trains, especially commuter trains in chicago.
3. how a southern gentleman might pronounce "metrosexual."

1. hey guys, kelly blew me while we were riding home to fox lake on the train. maybe she'll fuck me if we ride the elgin line!!
2. ohmigod, i almost missed the 5:35 westbound to aurora.....wait, here it comes....ohhhh..... ooooooohhhh....... aaahhhhhhh. that was great.
3. son, what in hail do you mean, "ah'm a metrasexual, grampa?" does that mean yer one a those nancy boys from new york city?

by earpuller April 28, 2006

college degrees

There are three major college degrees one can achieve: B.S., M.S., and PhD. These initials stand for the following-

B.S.-bullshit
M.S.-more shit
PhD.-piled higher and deeper

class dismissed.

mick: hey, the new engineer's specs are all out of whack!! we'll never get this thing built with these numbers!!
rick: well, buddy, you've just discovered the secret to a college degree. it consists of B.S., M.S., and PhD.
dick: yeah, we all know that, butthead!
rick: are you sure? for these college degrees, the initials stand for bullshit, more shit, and piled higher and deeper!!!
everybody laughs; the engineer in question walks through and they laugh even harder

by earpuller June 22, 2006

dilligas

an amusing acronym disguised as a silly word. Dilligas stands for "do I look like I give a shit?" You can say it to your parents, your kid sister, your maiden aunt, really anyone who is annoying you, but whom you do not want to anger.

eddie: So anyway, as I was saying, to make a long story short, in other words, as God as my witness, between you, me, and the fencepost..................
freddie: hey man, dilligas?
eddie: what's that supposed to mean?
freddie: do i look like I give a shit?
eddie walks away angrily, muttering to himself.
freddie smiles, thanking his good fortune at discovering UD.

by earpuller April 15, 2006

smegwaukee

noun 1: in general, a put-down for Milwaukee.
noun 2: specifically, in the early 80s (and for many years previously) Milwaukee had a unique, nauseating odor. It was a combination of brewery smells, general industrial funk, and the scent of dead alewives (a fish of some sort). Now the brewers are almost all gone (none are downtown anymore), most of the industries have cleaned up or moved away, and the alewives? Who knows!! Who cares!!

meaning 1-
guy from west alice-shit! I just got transferred to downtown smegwaukee!! fuck it, i'm moving to racine.
guy from creamfield (or creamdale)-don't forget kenosha!! That's where they used to make Ramblers.
meaning 2-
guy from snorewood: goin' to smegwaukee tonight?
guy from whitefolks bay: fuck that shit-i can smell that stuff just by lifting the toilet seat.
girl from fuquon-or by sniffing my snatch!!
guy from phlegmdale-ok, you're on, baby!!!

by earpuller September 27, 2005