earpuller's definitions

chunky monkey

noun: the object of a chubby chaser's affection. Never refer to another person as a "chunky monkey" unless-
A. you know the person very well, so much so that said person would not be offended by being called one, or-
B. you can run very fast and will never see the person again.

A. come on over later, my little chunky monkey!
B. baby, you are a chunky monkey. leave some food for the rest of the world!

by earpuller October 10, 2005

yer what hurts?

a humorous all-purpose interjection used after someone makes a curious statement. intended to bring smiles to all persons in the immediate vicinity. heard frequently in the mid-eighties in and around smegwaukee.

charley: hey, that guy looks like renee zellweger, except that she's a girl and he's not
harley: YER WHAT HURTS?

don: man, i'd better get a move on, i've got a big exam tomorrow.
john: yer what hurts?
don: oh shut up, dickless moron!!
john: wow, that hurts, man. *sobs quietly*
don: YER WHAT HURTS?

by earpuller December 28, 2005

the NASA scale

just like a NASA launch, counting down from 1 to 10 while watching the ladies. from a distance she looks hot (a 10,) but by the time she's right in front of you she turns out to be glass-shatteringly ugly (a 1.)

dan and stan are walking down main street when they see a woman at the other end of the block walking towards them-
dan: dude! check her out, she's a 10!!
stan: nah, maybe a nine.
dan: yeah, she's kind of fat. make her an 8.
stan: and her nose looks like an eggplant. 7.
dan: gross! she's got a huge booger, too! 6.
stan: and a better mustache than either of us. 5.
dan: look at her hat-she's got no hair! 4.
stan: except for her legs. 3.
dan: you could open a bottle of beer with the gap between her front teeth! 2.
stan: and she's cross-eyed to boot! 1.
both: ah, houston, we've got a problem-ABORT! ABORT!
dan: thank god for the NASA scale!

by earpuller November 22, 2010

schrute

noun, a schrute is an annoying co-worker, one who specifically attaches himself to you, decides that you're best buddies, and procedes to make your work life unbearable. derived from Rainn Wilson's character Dwight Schrute from NBC's "The Office."

Sorry, I'd have had this report done sooner, but this schrute kept interrupting me with inane questions. that's why it took me three hours to finish a project that should have taken a half-hour.

by earpuller December 30, 2005

nice from the neck down

another way of saying butterface, referring to someone who is 8/9ths perfect, but the uppermost 1/9th is a killer. one can say "nnd" for short.

you see her standing on line, waiting to check out. expensive high-heel FMs, tan hose, long slender legs, perfect heart-shaped butt, gently curving hips, slim waist, large firm breasts, elegant neck. the ideal woman.........and then she turns toward you........and has a face like the dark side of the moon. oh well, they all look the same with the lights out. this is the essence of nice from the neck down.

by earpuller December 28, 2005

dilligas

an amusing acronym disguised as a silly word. Dilligas stands for "do I look like I give a shit?" You can say it to your parents, your kid sister, your maiden aunt, really anyone who is annoying you, but whom you do not want to anger.

eddie: So anyway, as I was saying, to make a long story short, in other words, as God as my witness, between you, me, and the fencepost..................
freddie: hey man, dilligas?
eddie: what's that supposed to mean?
freddie: do i look like I give a shit?
eddie walks away angrily, muttering to himself.
freddie smiles, thanking his good fortune at discovering UD.

by earpuller April 15, 2006

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller July 29, 2008