bob sometimes's definitions

Laptop

Well OBVIOUSLY its a computer but it also means a woman who is sexy but small of stature and can be easily picked up, moved around, etc, during Horizontal Jogging. Damn! There's another word I'll have to define.

"Dave's girlfriend couldn't reach a high shelf without a ladder and a couple of phone books but he felt it was handy to have a laptop in the bedroom."

by Bob Sometimes January 9, 2006

clean the drains

To indulge in anal sex.

"Oh Heather, I see your on the blob again. Any chance you could take your leg off so I can clean your drains?"

by Bob Sometimes March 23, 2005

cuntfull

To be truly fed up with something, usually if you are a female.

"Dodi, I've had a cuntfull of that jug-eared husband of mine, fancy taking me for a drive round Paris?"

or

"Listen Kurt, I've had a cuntfull of your miserable songs, why don't you blow your fucking head off with that shotgun!"

by Bob Sometimes September 4, 2004

jizzmould

The suggestion that something will take so long that one's sperm will curdle before the said event occurs.

"Jesus Christ, I'll have jizzmould before Heskey gets a goal for England!"

by Bob Sometimes September 4, 2004

pant moustache

Muff spillage. Not so much down the leg as over the waistband. Unruly fanny wire.

"In parliament today, Anne Widdecombe gave John Prescott a lingering Dutch Wink revealing a pant moustache like Noel Gallagher's eyebrow."

by Bob Sometimes September 4, 2004

bird's custard

The thick, creamy sauce that slurps out of a bird when she is aroused (very nice on a piece of apple pie).

"After dinner I enjoyed my aunt's cherry pie with a thick helping of bird's custard"

by Bob Sometimes March 23, 2005

Big Muck

Two flattened turds in a bap, covered in bloody pus and soggy mould, available for purchase at a well-known burger chain. Consumed with enthusiasm by plebs who would eat their own bowels if they were packaged in a gaudy fashion.

"Greetings fresh-faced burger bar attendant. Kindly poison me with a Big Muck, if you would be so kind." - "Certainly sir and would you like some scabby fries with your shit or shall I just puke in your face?"

by Bob Sometimes September 4, 2004