177 definitions by al-in-chgo

Sargeant, there's a hole between mess at 1245 and policing the grounds at 1400. How about a little organized grabass for the men?" -- "Excellent idea, Corporal. Tell Johnston and Greene to ready the football supplies.

"Why do you say Geoff's a wanker?" -- "I mean, literally, man. I ran into him on Halsted and he had just done a complete London Flog."

"How could you tell?" -- "Well, partly by the refreshed happy-ending look on his face, but mostly by the stain he had made on his trench coat below the buckle."

"Ewww . . . well, at least he kept it in his pants."

Some of the "broken noses" of Chicago:

1. North Side pro baseball team, the Cubs, who perpetuate an execrable win/losss record but are nonetheless idolized as the "cubbies";

2. Weather: coldest major American city other than Minneapolis, snowiest outside Buffalo, steamiest summers outside the Mississippi River Valley or Deep South. Winter days are so short that evening rush occurs in the dark. Even on the best spring days, "San Francisco sweater weather" is practically nonexistent.

3. Political corruption, which is awesome due to its extent, its reach, its resourcesfulness and the apathy with which it is greated by most Chicagoans.

more pleasant phenomena of Chicago that still have a slight eccentric or "broken nose" quality:

1. Italian beef, which is roast been marinated in gravy, garlic and giardinera, served on Italian-crust sandwich bread, and almost unobtainable outside Chicago.

2. the conviction (and it still actually works) that if you place old dinette chairs in the spot from which you just extricated your hitherto snowbound car, that spot will be waiting for you when you get back.

3. Refusal to call the 'Willis Tower' anything other than its original name, the 'Sears Tower.'

"Is this a great city or what"?

"Second Lieutenant Johnson" was the classic book soldier: He knew ROTC protocol but nothing about actual warfare, or how to handle a platoon for that matter. If he can't find it in the manual, he freaks out. That's why Sarge calls the shots."

"Jason is a sweet person in real life but at work, in Human Resources, he is a total book soldier. He told me once that one of the staff missed making Employee of the Month because of a two-minute discrepancy between the time clock and the sign-in sheet. I guess in a job like that, it pays to be anal, but fortunately that's not the Jason I usually see."

From 1977 Academy Award winning film ANNIE HALL, screenplay Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman:

Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to girlfriend re rock concert:

"Was it heavy? Did it achieve . . . um, heavyosity?"

"I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket." Said by 1960s US President Lyndon Baines Johnson of his VP Hubert Humphrey, meaning (metaphorically) that Hubert was his bitch politically.

"I'd rather cut my pecker off." Said by same LBJ when told by his physician he had to stop smoking immediately.

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"When these one-pound bags of frozen vegetables got to the store, they were no longer frozen. Someone broke the cold chain somewhere along the way."