al-in-chgo's definitions

softcore

A softcore gay erotic magazine or stroke book is allowed to show a man with an erection. But any other person nearby can only admire; no touching or penetration allowed. Nor can the tumescent model touch his own genitals although he could, for example, tweak one of his own nipples.

Interestingly, such softcore magazines are now at symbiosis with what most prisons (or penitentiarys) allow their prisoners in the way of pornography. Gay prison porn is gay softcore porn, and gay softcore porn is gay prison porn. The rules are similar for non-gay porn and female nude models.

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"You know what's killing off the softcore magazines?"

"Vids, of course."

"Yes, and not only that but video goes hardcore (or XXX) all the time -- even amateurs do it!"

"Yup -- cumshots all over the place in gay and straight videos alike; all it takes is a home video camera and a minimum of Internet expertise."

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by al-in-chgo March 5, 2010

Opera Boofa

A pun on "Opera Buffa" (an operatic trend in the 18th and 19th centuries toward a more relaxed mode of opera, often containing humor, such as "The Magic Flute"): "Opera Boofa" is a seriocomic, probably unintentional, portrayal of violative behavior or anal insertion of drugs or spirits under less-than-ideal circumstances.

-- "Did you see that guy testify on TV at the Judiciary Committee hearings?"

-- "Yeah -- the first day was pretty steady -- when he showed up again he got so overwrought denying things that it became pure "Opera Boofa."

"Ouch."

by al-in-chgo October 4, 2018

jack it up

Briefly and rapidly masturbating a quasi-erect penis (or "semi") after foreplay leading to partner sex. In this usage the goal is not to masturbate to orgasm, but merely to get the penis stiff enough to penetrate vagina or anus under the assumption that the erection will stay sufficient throughout intercourse aka fucking, presumably leading to a successful climax (orgasm).

"I had to jack it up a little before I could go in, but I was afraid she'd think it was kind of gay, or that I didn't love her."

"Naw, man, you do what you gotta do. Go ahead and get it up a little more. If Dorothy has a problem with that, then why doesn't she use HER hand?"

by al-in-chgo February 20, 2010

fappal tunnel syndrome

From FAP + carPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

Getting a strained wrist from working a computer mouse with one hand (e.g., to download porn), and jacking self off with the other. It's generally the lower of the two wrists that develops the syndrome first.

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"Jed says his right (left) wrist hurts."

"Probably poor ergonomic design at his workstation. He's wanked himself into a case of Fappal Tunnel Syndrome. Someone get a crowbar and pry him off that computer. Sheesh!"

by al-in-chgo March 20, 2011

Olympic Gay

The tendency of some American male Olympic hopefuls competing for medals in individual figure-skating to wear campy costumes (even more sequined than the Asian skaters'), or tight, self-designed get-ups in the most fashionable colors, usually showing a broader bodice with no chest hair, but more boob than the more run-of-the-mill glitzy skater's costume.

This tendency is sometimes accompanied by demands of the sort observed at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada, if not earlier, for special favors such as switching rooms in the athletes' dorm to bunk with a special friend. On the ice, when they perform well, they look fabulous and the viewer can feel the narcissism coming through the television; when they perform poorly, they look fabulous despite the gaffes and the viewer can nonetheless feel the nacissism coming through the television, often simultaneous with oblique on-air comment by the network's sports journalist referencing their "controversial" pre-rink behavior.

"Jeremy, I can't believe what I just saw! That American kid made such a poor showing. He fell on his ass and didn't even make the top fifteen. But he strutted off the ice, mugging for the cameras, and looking like he was about to burst the leather straps holding his vest together out of sheer pride or sheer gall."

"Chad," there just ain't no gay like USA Olympic Gay."

by al-in-chgo February 19, 2010

The Valley

Abandoned prison restroom with long trough-style urinal off a low-traffic area, as described in John Cheever's 1977 novel FALCONER. To quote the author, this is where the inmates went after dinner "to fuck themselves." Themselves but not each other -- there were unwritten rules. Looking at other penises was okay, but not into another man's eyes. Touching another man was not allowed, except for the shoulder. A grim place, not gay by any definition, and certainly not the fantasy one-for-all tearoom scenes depicted in gay porn videos.

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Since The Valley in Cheever's award-winning novel Falconer was located on an upper floor, the origin of its name was obscure. Perhaps the name was coined to reference the trench- or trough-shaped nature of the elderly urinal itself.

-- "Where's Harry?"

-- "He went to The Valley after dinner."

-- 'When do you think he'll be back in our wing?"

-- "As late as possible, if I know Harry."

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by al-in-chgo February 25, 2010

Verschlusspanik

Verschlusspanik (fair-SCHLOOSE-pah-neek) is a German word that literally means "closing panic." It refers to the rush of new investors (and new capital) into consumer investments like mutual funds that occurs when the sponsoring financial house announces that its fund will no longer accept new accounts beyond a certain date. That "last-minute" stampede is due to Verschlusspanik on the part of potential investors who do not want to be shut out of the fund.

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"Go figure -- Fund XYZ announces that it won't open any new accounts past the end of this month, and all of a sudden there's a huge influx of new investors and their money."

"That's called 'Verschlusspanik'. It often happens when there's a deadline for new accounts imposed."

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by al-in-chgo March 24, 2010