al-in-chgo's definitions
Typically a Mutual Fund is an investment fund aimed at individual investors sponsored by an investment (or "mutual fund") house like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price. Each fund holds a "market basket" of stocks or bonds and individual investors buy into the fund by buying a share at "Net Asset Value," which is the total worth of the fund's holdings, calculated every day, divided by the number of shares outstanding. In other words, a mutual fund whose portfolio (value of all holdings) is worth a million dollars that has a hundred thousand shares outstanding will value those shares at ten dollars apiece. A typical stock-based mutual fund can earn its investors money in three ways: the dividends and capital gains that stocks pay out, and possible appreciation of the fund value per share.
For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."
"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."
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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."
"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."
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by al-in-chgo March 25, 2010
Get the Mutual Fund mug.Slang for an erotic magazine, frequently a well-distributed glossy monthly, generally featuring soft-core pornography in the form of nude pictorials ("photo spreads") and short fiction.
The "stroke" in "Stroke Book" is the frequent use of such periodicals to achieve sexual fantasy, arousal, and usually solo sex, that is, manual stimulation or masturbation to orgasm on the reader's part. The focus of such magazines is usually to highlight nudes of one specific gender in the pictorials, not both, and the perspective of one gender as narrator of a graphic erotic encounter in the short fiction.
The "stroke" in "Stroke Book" is the frequent use of such periodicals to achieve sexual fantasy, arousal, and usually solo sex, that is, manual stimulation or masturbation to orgasm on the reader's part. The focus of such magazines is usually to highlight nudes of one specific gender in the pictorials, not both, and the perspective of one gender as narrator of a graphic erotic encounter in the short fiction.
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"Hey, Sis, can I borrow your copy of nudie magazine? I need a stroke book, if you know what I mean."
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"Okay, Leslie, but bring it back afterwards and don't get the pages stuck together!"
"Hey, Sis, can I borrow your copy of nudie magazine? I need a stroke book, if you know what I mean."
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"Okay, Leslie, but bring it back afterwards and don't get the pages stuck together!"
by al-in-chgo February 22, 2010
Get the Stroke Book mug."Considering the poor showing Team Russia made at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, they've got their work cut out for them to dominate the scene at Sochi."
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by al-in-chgo March 1, 2010
Get the Sochi mug."Suck On My Cock" is a satirical Christmas send-up, lyrics written by Pacific Northwest shock jock and prolific parodist Bob Rivers and based on the tune of the bestselling "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms (1957).
With himself as singer, "Suck On My Cock" was released as part of a Rivers Christmastime satiric CD, and in 2007 as part of Rivers' CD "Rated X Max." Rivers' lyrics graphically recount in first-person the experience of receiving a full and complete act of fellatio by his (possibly) unwilling partner and makes ample use of "Jingle Bell Rock's" tune, multiple stanzas, choruses and chord changes.
The song is offensive, obscene, and politically incorrect but very funny to those who like no-holds-barred satire. It has been covered often in the ensuing years by Matt Rogers and other singers. Downloadable sung versions and lyrics are not difficult to find on the Internet, though good copies of the prior CD releases command a huge premium in the online used-disc market.
If live versions are included, it is hard to measure how high "Suck On My Cock" ranks in Rivers' ample songbook, but it appears to be shaping up as a "guilty" Christmas pleasure along with many of his other Yuletide parodies, such as "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" and "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire."
Bob Rivers asserts that he still owns copyright to the lyrics.
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With himself as singer, "Suck On My Cock" was released as part of a Rivers Christmastime satiric CD, and in 2007 as part of Rivers' CD "Rated X Max." Rivers' lyrics graphically recount in first-person the experience of receiving a full and complete act of fellatio by his (possibly) unwilling partner and makes ample use of "Jingle Bell Rock's" tune, multiple stanzas, choruses and chord changes.
The song is offensive, obscene, and politically incorrect but very funny to those who like no-holds-barred satire. It has been covered often in the ensuing years by Matt Rogers and other singers. Downloadable sung versions and lyrics are not difficult to find on the Internet, though good copies of the prior CD releases command a huge premium in the online used-disc market.
If live versions are included, it is hard to measure how high "Suck On My Cock" ranks in Rivers' ample songbook, but it appears to be shaping up as a "guilty" Christmas pleasure along with many of his other Yuletide parodies, such as "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" and "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire."
Bob Rivers asserts that he still owns copyright to the lyrics.
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-- "God, I couldn't believe it when the band began to play "Jingle Bell Rock" and the singer started off with 'Stroke on my, lick on my, suck on my cock..."
-- "Yeah, hardcore! But it was pretty late and I don't think people minded "blue" material. Hope you listened up, 'cuz I bet the band won't play it for another 364 days."
-- "Yeah OK, fool, but cyberspace never forgets."
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-- "Yeah, hardcore! But it was pretty late and I don't think people minded "blue" material. Hope you listened up, 'cuz I bet the band won't play it for another 364 days."
-- "Yeah OK, fool, but cyberspace never forgets."
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by al-in-chgo October 30, 2010
Get the Suck On My Cock mug.The late Chicago journalist and author Mike Royko (BOSS) said that loving Chicago was like loving a beautiful woman with a broken nose: once you're used to her, other merely beautiful women don't quite look right.
Some of the "broken noses" of Chicago:
1. North Side pro baseball team, the Cubs, who perpetuate an execrable win/losss record but are nonetheless idolized as the "cubbies";
2. Weather: coldest major American city other than Minneapolis, snowiest outside Buffalo, steamiest summers outside the Mississippi River Valley or Deep South. Winter days are so short that evening rush occurs in the dark. Even on the best spring days, "San Francisco sweater weather" is practically nonexistent.
3. Political corruption, which is awesome due to its extent, its reach, its resourcesfulness and the apathy with which it is greated by most Chicagoans.
more pleasant phenomena of Chicago that still have a slight eccentric or "broken nose" quality:
1. Italian beef, which is roast been marinated in gravy, garlic and giardinera, served on Italian-crust sandwich bread, and almost unobtainable outside Chicago.
2. the conviction (and it still actually works) that if you place old dinette chairs in the spot from which you just extricated your hitherto snowbound car, that spot will be waiting for you when you get back.
3. Refusal to call the 'Willis Tower' anything other than its original name, the 'Sears Tower.'
"Is this a great city or what"?
1. North Side pro baseball team, the Cubs, who perpetuate an execrable win/losss record but are nonetheless idolized as the "cubbies";
2. Weather: coldest major American city other than Minneapolis, snowiest outside Buffalo, steamiest summers outside the Mississippi River Valley or Deep South. Winter days are so short that evening rush occurs in the dark. Even on the best spring days, "San Francisco sweater weather" is practically nonexistent.
3. Political corruption, which is awesome due to its extent, its reach, its resourcesfulness and the apathy with which it is greated by most Chicagoans.
more pleasant phenomena of Chicago that still have a slight eccentric or "broken nose" quality:
1. Italian beef, which is roast been marinated in gravy, garlic and giardinera, served on Italian-crust sandwich bread, and almost unobtainable outside Chicago.
2. the conviction (and it still actually works) that if you place old dinette chairs in the spot from which you just extricated your hitherto snowbound car, that spot will be waiting for you when you get back.
3. Refusal to call the 'Willis Tower' anything other than its original name, the 'Sears Tower.'
"Is this a great city or what"?
by al-in-chgo January 2, 2011
Get the Broken Nose mug.The "Male Member" (sometimes 'male organ') is a delicate way to refer to the penis for people who are grossed out by street slang (dick, cock, etc.) and who think even "penis" is unnecessarily graphic.
Even today, there are such people around.
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Even today, there are such people around.
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"Did you see the graffiti on that boxcar? The small letter "i" is really the male member -- the base is the testicles and the dot over the "i" is ejaculate."
"I must have missed it -- but then, I don't go looking for such things. lol."
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"I must have missed it -- but then, I don't go looking for such things. lol."
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by al-in-chgo March 19, 2010
Get the Male Member mug.(Sometimes "Glibbertarian") From GLIB + libERTARIAN. A well-off or self-made individual who offers easy nostrums for complicated social and economic problems, usually centered around such premises as "A government program never helped anyone," or "Government is the cause of, not the answer to, America's problems."
A glibertarian response is frequently preceded by "Oh, just let this happen" or "Oh, all we need to do is . . . " Sometimes these statements elucidate libertarian principles, if a bit superficially, but more often invoke knee-jerk responses that offer snappy, painless solutions from anything but government.
A glibertarian response is frequently preceded by "Oh, just let this happen" or "Oh, all we need to do is . . . " Sometimes these statements elucidate libertarian principles, if a bit superficially, but more often invoke knee-jerk responses that offer snappy, painless solutions from anything but government.
"We have to get manufacturing back into this country."
"Oh, just let the magic of the market take care of that."
"What are we to do about illegal immigration?"
"Oh, all we need to do is get these folks onto a market-driven salary and off all these government programs like public schools and health care."
sarcastically: "Where on earth did you get all these wonderful solutions?"
"Oh, I'm a self-made man."
Original speaker sotto voce "A Glibertarian worships his own maker."
"Oh, just let the magic of the market take care of that."
"What are we to do about illegal immigration?"
"Oh, all we need to do is get these folks onto a market-driven salary and off all these government programs like public schools and health care."
sarcastically: "Where on earth did you get all these wonderful solutions?"
"Oh, I'm a self-made man."
Original speaker sotto voce "A Glibertarian worships his own maker."
by al-in-chgo March 18, 2011
Get the GLIBERTARIAN mug.