50 definitions by Sir Bartholomew McTavish

When something really cool happens and no other words/phrases say it as well as.
Sometimes other words such as snap, wizard, awesome and boomshakalaka will do when baazing has been used too many times whilst watching Ladies Wimbledon or any fantastic lesbian threeway porno.
PATRICK: Sebastien, see that girl there by the photocopier?

SEBASTIEN: Yeah,that's Mark from Accounting's teenaged sister, I've heard she's harder to lay than a sixty foot Ostritch Egg.

PATRICK: Well I had some of that last night in the back of my Mazda.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish March 04, 2008
1:) cuntanet: The online interwebbing tool invented a thousand years ago by people who obviously want other people to be able to get in touch with them because the telephone and the front door weren't inconvienient enough.

2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
STEVE: Yo, Dude where the hell are you?
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 22, 2009
Is a word that refers to the practise of one person, usually a male, playing with his banjo. In essence to twang his banjo. And if some ladies have banjos, then they can twang them whilst they're on live at the circus. BUt usually the banjo would refer to the knob.
Edmund: Hilary, where is our firstborn Rutland Percival Smythe-Brigstock Jones XIV?

Hilary: Upstairs, playing with one of those god-awful new contraptions from the Americas. A najbo I think it's called. Why do you ask Mr. Smythe-Brigstock, also known as my husband?

Edmund:Is that what that racket is? He'll go blind doing a twanjo on his banjo like Daddy did. That's why I wish to know Mrs.Smythe-Brigstock, also known locally as my wife...and village bicycle.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish September 21, 2007
1. Misspelt other word for swaddling material wrapped firmly around an infant,baby or politician to ensure warmth & love.

2. Blankets that have to bolted firmly around a woman while having intercourse in the dark, 'incase God sees her naked' is the usual excuse, but she quite okay with being starkers on her own in her backgarden/playground/webcast.
(Possibly a woman who is a barren lesbian, farmhand.)
MAN: Darling I know we've only known eachother fifteen years and are having a healthy, normal,if awfully infrequent, sexual relationship with one another but would it be ok if we could, perhaps, have sexual relations on top of the funting tonight as I've never so much as seen one of your nipples! The closest is that drawing, that I drew, ten years ago.

WOMAN: (Uninteligable gibberish to the effect of 'No,sex is all you ever think about, you lazy,unshaven,quite wellhung, perverted,disgusting, patriarchal, misogynistic bastard. Give me more female orgasms while I laugh at your penis & talk to my friends about how it only gets wet once a week.' etcetera usual guff,excuses & insults.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 04, 2007
Any stocky Austrian,German or Scottish women who should be right heffers but are so physically shaggable that she makes bits of all men bulge to near ejaculating proportions
Mike: Did you see that sixfoot, blonde, German babe from accounting?
Dave: Olga? Yeah, I think she could benchpress a truck.
Mike: Yeah, but she is quite fit.
Dave: She's over there now! Look at those nuggs.
Mike: I've just cum.
Dave: Me too.I've got an OlgaBolger in my grits too.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008
Bond of the 21st century, according to a completely non-gay Daniel Craig loves willy. No longer is it safe to watch TV without a cast of bum diggers suddenly becoming the centre of attention. Doctor Who has become Doctor 'Up the Poo'. Torchwood is 'were there any straight people in this week?'
Well Double 0 Gay is now suffering. Gaymes Bond or James Bummed is the spy hero of the new century.
00Gay's films may include...

Man With the Golden Knob
The Living Gaylights
Gold Wanger
Dr No(b)
Homos Are Forever
The Cock Is Not Enough
Never Say Gay
Moonie Raper
For Your Balls Only
Liscence to Bum
You Only Fuck Men Twice

'Q' would supply weapon-like dildos and his name would actually be short for 'Queer'. 'M' would still be Judy Dench but 'M' would stand for she was a 'Man'
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 02, 2008
To grasp something abnormally tight until it either explodes, turns blue,contains thins, is crushed or sues. Sometimes all four.
This is how all blind girls should hold their boyfriend's cocks whilst furiously trying to brush a spider off it, that he is damn sure is there.
1. Stifler was caught in a Lesbian Stronghold in Am Pie 2
2. The way Peter Parker has to hold his cock to do wee wees in that red wetsuit movie trilogy.
3. A place where hidden things are usually found.

SON: Dad, i;ve noticed that you have no testicles. explain.
DAD: They're in your Mother's Stronghold son.
SON: Her Handbag Dad?
DAD: Yup.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish November 08, 2007

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