L.MARTIN's definitions

RULE OF 123

ONE PHONE CALL: If she/he can't decide to get together after one phone call...it was'nt meant to be.Either they're not into you or worse...they're indecisive.

TWO DATES:If he/she is'nt in the bed of your choosing after two dates-(They know if they want you)-end all contact.Either they're not into you,or worse...they're indecisive attention whores.

THREE FUCKS:Get past the first two? Got him/her in bed? Good.Make it enjoyable for all involved...but at about that third session...someone will want to be involved more deeply.Time to bounce.Who's on deck?

DUDE 1:"Gina is hot...but whatever happened to Josie?"

DUDE 2:"She wanted commitment.I got a RULE OF 123 I tend to follow.Just was'nt in the cards."

by L.MARTIN October 3, 2005

RED CUNT HAIR

A unit of measurement favored by old-school southern carpenters and general contractors.

CARPENTER 1:"Say fella...would you step back n' take a look at
n'see how this door fits?"

CARPENTER 2:"Hmmm...'bout a coupla RED CUNT HAIRS off the
bottom oughta' do it.Break out the sander."

by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005

DIAMOND COMMERCIAL

When a man does something stupid a/o embarrasing a/o frivolous
for the "LOVE" of a woman.

OIL TRADER:..."So we're walking through the park...and we drop a blanket on the grass at the amphitheater...and as I
poured wine for us,I had JEFFREY OSBOURNE come out on stage and sing LOVE BALLAD...at which point I presented her with a 4ct. rock.-and a proposal.Cool,yeah?"

ARMS DEALER:"That is so fucking DIAMOND COMMERCIAL.Don't repeat it to anyone else.Congratulations."

by L.MARTIN December 5, 2005

BARN FIND

The fantasy of collectors everywhere-(mostly automotive)-that they'll stumble upon a mint condition vintage 'Benz or Ferrari
in a barn or airplane hangar somewhere between N.Y/L.A....owned by someone just happy to get rid of it.Uh-huh.

COLLECTOR:"My 300SL Roadster was a BARN FIND from an estate sale on a river town in Southern Indiana.Family was just happy to be rid of the thing at 90k.Imagine that!"

COLLECTOR 2:"Enough with your fish stories!Even in desperation
nobody let's that rig go for less than 300K.There's photos of you at Barrett Jackson last month anyway."

by L.MARTIN October 14, 2005

DON KING MOMENT

Many talented people are very smart and good at what they do.Unfortunately they're very dumb about everything else...especially money.Don King knows this about fighters when he walks them into a conference room...has an assistant
open a briefcase with 100grand in it...and tells the fighter it's his as an advance for signing on with him.You've never seen that much money before.Of course-as your career takes off-you begin to realize that his "management fees" make the taxes look small.This does'nt just happen to atheletes.

Bill Gates...or Terry Semel...or Barry Diller...wants to "take a meeting"with you.He offers you 100 million for your company ...and "total control" before you even sit down. You try to avoid choking on your coffee.All those years in your cubicle at 80 grand a year.Of course you bite...and watch helplessly as you find that "total control" means you can leave work early on Friday.His henchmen then take your baby and turn it into a multi-billion dollar market leader...or more likely destroy
it before it destroys them.Classic DON KING MOMENT.

by L.MARTIN February 3, 2006

LUCKY SPERM

An epithet hurled by class warriors at people born to wealth and privilege.Of course they wish they had chosen their parents more wisely.

ACTRESS/WAITRESS 1:"I have Paris Hilton's table.LUCKY SPERM bitch!The whole fuckin'table of 'em.She better fuckin' tip BIG."

ACTRESS/WAITRESS 2:"My...what beautiful green eyes you have."

by L.MARTIN October 27, 2005

PATENT TROLL

A company-or divison of a company-whose sole reason for being is to sue other companies/individuals for patent infringment.Sometimes the troll is a large tech company with many patents.Other times it's a smaller company that purchases patents...then goes huntin'.Don't let this stop you from makin' shit.

UNBIASED ANCHORMAN:"Great news CRACKBERRY ADDICTS!The USPTO
ruled today that PATENT TROLL NTP's claims
against RIM are invalid.Whew...that was
close!More after these emai-uh messages."

by L.MARTIN December 22, 2005