TITLED AFTER FRANK ZAPPA SONG:Someone who makes impulsive, grand scale decisions involving large amounts of money-(usually other peoples')...Facts,consequences and reality be damned.Cocaine is'nt always involved.It just looks that way.
ENRON EXEC.1:"Let's just set up a state-of-the-art trading floor.We'll find something to trade on it later."
ENRON EXEC.2:"What?Are you tootin' rails?That's the most COCAINE DECISION I've ever heard. We'll all go to jail!
ENRON EXEC.3:"Dammit play ball!...I have options on 1,000,000
shares.They vest if it looks like we're doing something."
A company-or divison of a company-whose sole reason for being is to sue other companies/individuals for patent infringment.Sometimes the troll is a large tech company with many patents.Other times it's a smaller company that purchases patents...then goes huntin'.Don't let this stop you from makin' shit.
UNBIASED ANCHORMAN:"Great news CRACKBERRY ADDICTS!The USPTO
ruled today that PATENT TROLL NTP's claims
against RIM are invalid.Whew...that was
close!More after these emai-uh messages."
1)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that mysteriously becomes
less reliable for a woman-the wealthier a man is.
2)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that has been available-in
at least nine different forms to women-for now about
50 YEARS.(There's only two for men:Condom.Vasectomy.)This means nine different forms BEFORE you even
touch abortion or sterilization...But "unplanned"/unwanted
kids still get here.
3)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology-available more to women
than men.Yet newsmedia continues to blame men for
irresponsible breeding.Interesting.I've never met a man
who decided when a baby would be born.
SPORTS ANCHOR:"On the day of the draft-the now rich,young QUARTERBACK
found himself served with PATERNITY SUIT papers."
CHICK TO DUDE:"It's okay.I'm on the BIRTH CONTROL pill.My
doctor says I can't get pregnant anyway.I
just want to FEEL you."
SAME CHICK TO GIRLFRIEND 90 DAYS LATER:"I don't know how it
happened.I was'nt planning on this...but I
don't believe in abortion.Sooo..."
A unit of measurement favored by old-school southern carpenters and general contractors.
CARPENTER 1:"Say fella...would you step back n' take a look at
n'see how this door fits?"
CARPENTER 2:"Hmmm...'bout a coupla RED CUNT HAIRS off the
bottom oughta' do it.Break out the sander."
The financial number at which you can opt not to work.It's different for everyone...but generally speaking...if you buy into the "American Way of Life"...that number is somewhere around 5million liquid.At that point-you have a barrier against "the unforseen"(illness/injury)...or the fully known. (divorce/criminal children)Hefty appettite for booze,sex,and gambling?Triple that number.
Between his ex-wives,children,and jet set travel-James the attorney has a higher FUCK YOU NUMBER than Joe the plumbing contractor.
IF YOU'RE A STRAIGHT MAN:
1)Out and about with one woman...RESPECT.
2)Out and about with two women...MUCH RESPECT.
(Quick note:This scenario was more likely to happen
in days gone by.(the 70's)Nowadays...to have two
women out for fun...then back to the pad for more
fun...is exceedingly rare.Unless they're "proffessionals".
Which by the way is not a bad thing in itself.
3)Out and about with three women...YOU'RE FEMME GAY.
Nothing wrong with that...but if you're not...one can
assume the worst case scenario...that you are deemed
SAFE and NON-THREATENING.
GUY 1:"Hey..check out that guy over there walking into the Victoria's Secret with those three hotties."
Guy 2:"No love.He's at the ass end of the the RULE OF 123.
What you are presumed to be by the legal industrial complex,the press,and casual observers if you are man...and a woman or a child accuses you of wrong-doing.
1)In order to deny custody to a father-and generate income-a woman has as part of her state-sponsored arsenal the ability to:
A)Have consensual sex with you...then claim rape.(you're GUILTY)
B)File a restraining order against you for any reason
including you just going to pick up the last of your stuff.(DITTO)
C)Convince the kid to tell Johnny Law that you were abusive.(" ")
D)Take your money and not document it's proper use.
TESTOSTERONE:It's not just for men anymore.