Keifermail's definitions

Heinous Anus Fragrance

Flatulence of the worst kind. A severe fart that is like an obscene phone call from nature. The air--dank, fetid, unsavory and far from fresh--feels as if it is being exhaled into one's face from a nuclear blast channeled through an unkempt brown eye. Sometimes the smell even tastes like effluvious rotting death- beer vomit, infected diarrhea, gangrene, and the mystery smell of the river entering the ocean at low tide, amplifying the intrusion of feculent compost. It is obscene and repulsive, harsh and violent at the same time. In close proximity, miles from the barking bowels of the guilty anus, the air maintains this quality of putrid death, although unknown where it acquired a tinge of Satan's rectum, perhaps due to fumes expelled by tormented souls asses being delivered by rancid demons.

A smell awoke him. It was a scent as old as time. It was a hundred aromas of a thousand skunks. It was the tang of sweaty underarm. It was the musk of rough anal sex. It was the muscular rot of Gruyère cheese in urine. It was the spice of rotting savorous road kill. Meaty and redolent of death with decay and repugnant rot. It was horrid and offensive and nauseating and obscene. It was solid and alive - so alive! And it was close, lying right next to him in fact. The vapors invaded his nostrils and his hair rose to their roots. His eyes were as heavy as manhole covers, but he opened them. Through the dying calm inside him snaked the horrible realization that she had expelled another heinous anus fragrance.

by keifermail April 15, 2014

too much loft

Is a sarcastic derogatory double entendre , usually made after a terrible golf shot. The key is the acronym l.o.f.t. meaning lack of fucking talent. It is best used against an unsuspecting victim who presumes by loft you mean the loft of the golf club.

Playing partner, "I think you had too much loft on that shot."
Shot maker, "No, I just caught it a little fat."
Playing partner, "By L.O.F.T. I meant lack of fucking talent, dillweed."

by keifermail August 23, 2008

There's Bob!

A secret phrase between two men at a social gathering or sporting event where they can alert the other that a chick with nice breasts is in the vicinity without alerting those around them. The term is simply boob minus an o. Boob-o=bob.

1st Dude: "Hey look there's Bob!" (Points at breast)
2nd Dude: "I am so glad he could make it. I was worried he wouldn't."

by keifermail July 12, 2009

Sham Wowed

The moment of truth that occurs when you find out something you thought was really great is really all a facade. see Sham

I just got sham wowed. I was checking out this hot chicks ass and she turned around and 'snap' dude looked like a lady!

by keifermail September 30, 2009

Manhandle the Salami

N. To masturbate or the act of receiving a hand job.

"All girls want to do is manhandle the salami, whatever happened to giving up some neck."

by keifermail July 12, 2009

Butch Chaser

A straight man that is attracted to tom-boyish, more athletic women who dressed simply with little or no makeup, etc. Unfortunately, many of these women are lesbians. See butch, bull dyke, etc. Not to be confused with a fag hag who knowingly befriend homosexual men, the Butch Chaser is simply attracted to women who most often are lesbians by default.

"Steve's a Butch Chaser, he thinks that dump truck driver lady was hot."

by keifermail July 23, 2009

DSP

Day Shift Problem- Acronym used at the end of a night shift to describe a problem that they are leaving for the day shift.

"Don't worry about changing that old ladies shitty diaper dude, it's only 25 minutes to quitin' time, that shit is a DSP."

by keifermail August 22, 2008