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4 definitions by JeffJonezZz

 
1.
A compound-acronym of the two closely related acronyms of WTF and FML. It means: What The Fuck My Life. WTFML can be applied to many unfavorable circumstances. Under normal circumstances, the WHAT THE FUCK portion comes first, followed closely by a heart-felt FUCK MY LIFE. When typed from a computer, it is an absolute NECESSITY that the caps lock be left on to convey the appropriate intensity.

WTFML is NOT to be mistaken for "When Twats Farm Major Lice". If you ever hear anyone use WTFML to describe an instance when twats farm major lice, the offending person should be subsequently mushroom tattooed.
Malika: So, they gave me a special shampoo and told me to scrub thoroughly for a week, ugh WTFML!
by JeffJonezZz August 05, 2009
 
2.
A drive-by liking is when a Facebook user has responded to all messages, reviewed all notifications, planted their crops on Farmville, and updated their status etc. This person has basically exhausted all efforts to occupy their time on Facebook. Being left with a sense of emptiness and desperation for entertainment, this bored college student in question can perform a drive-by liking in one of two ways.

1) The individual will proceed to like everyone's status updates posted within the past four hours, completely ignoring the nagging feeling that they should be doing something productive with their life.

2) This kind of drive-by liking occurs when visiting a fellow Facebook whore's page and liking everything that the victim has done within the past couple of days. The goal of this is to ensure that upon logging in, the victim will be greeted with 99 notifications.

Drive-by likings should never discriminate. In fact, the most satisfying status updates to like are ones that: have absolutely NOTHING to do with you, include the letters FML, include a sad face, or are sprinkled with typos (and are posted at about 2:15 AM).

Performing a drive-by liking accomplishes a couple things: they make you feel 1337 next time you log in due to the fact that you will (if performed correctly) have 99 notifications yourself, and successfully wasted hours of life that you will never get back.
Examples of stati that have been the victim of a drive-by liking:

Beth - Headache :(
4 seconds ago · JJ likes this

Christine - fml...seriously
15 minutes ago · JJ likes this

Casey - Work.. ughhhh
about an hour ago · JJ likes this

Cierra - Fails at life..AGAIN! Effin storyboard
about an hour ago · JJ likes this
by JeffJonezZz September 28, 2009
 
3.
A high-fructose corn syrup father is the politically correct version of a (finger quote) "Sugar Daddy". The high-fructose corn syrup father is in many ways superior to that of a sugar daddy. One of the most defining differences is the FACT that cane sugar is a more expensive food and beverage additive that can be easily substituted for the less-expensive high-fructose corn syrup food and beverage additive, while retaining the desired effect of sweetening. Thus, a high-fructose corn syrup father is more cost-efficient, it produces a higher profit margin.
Ugly friend: Hey, Anna Nicole, how come you are hooking up with Howard Marshall, who is 63 years your senior?
Gold-digging prostitute: cuz i want him to be my High Fructose Corn Syrup Father. gargle gargle
by JeffJonezZz July 31, 2009
 
4.
Firearrhea is the explosive result of having too much tequila from a plastic bottle, Popov, and boxed wine (using the wine as a chaser). Then, someone gets the brilliant idea to order Hungry Howies and put copious amounts of hot sauce on the pizza that people would ask very stereotypical things such as, "would you like any pizza with that hot sauce? durr hurr".

For added laughter, one could give a drunk person who engaged in such firearrhea-inducing activities a chocolate laxative. This is only done to ensure that the drunk person gets the full firearrhea experience.
Brid: Holy Hell, I just DESTROYED the toilet at work. Seriously, I think I just melted some porcelain just now.

(upon walking into the bathroom)

Boss: It smells like firearrhea in here.. Or at least singed pubic hairs.
by JeffJonezZz November 09, 2009