JDMGio's definitions

hand-held darkness eliminator

An awesomely descriptive name for a flashlight (or torch if you hail outside the United States).

Peter: Hey Steve, would you be so kind as to let me borrow your flashlight?

Steve: Oh, you mean my hand-held darkness eliminator? You can on the condition that you swear to guard and protect it with your life, for its powers are unmeasurable and should not be toyed with by mere mortals!

Peter: So. . . does that mean it's like solar powered or something?

by JDMGio March 26, 2011

snoregasm

A snoregasm commences when one slowly begins to snore. Gradually the snoring increases in both loudness and inflection until said snorer reaches the climactic audibility at which point he or she abruptly stops snoring. At this point the snoregasm has been achieved. Post snoregasm, one may or may not disenthrall a sigh of relief.

Whilst watching the football game at Steve's house, Corpulent Carl maliciously consumed nearly all 24 PBRs he had brought with him. Not even reaching the final quarter of the game, Carl abruptly became inexorably comatose in Steve's recliner at which point he began to snore. The snoring became exponentially louder and louder with every breath that was taken until those violent flood gates opened and snoregasm was achieved. With a sigh of relief and satifaction, Carl rolled to his side releasing a fowl, sulfuric fart. Steve, being a sober witness to the events, was never the same. The image of Corpulent Carl's daunting smile post snoregasm forever haunts his dreams.

by JDMGio December 23, 2009

Boner Bucks

The defacement of a U.S. dollar bill by adding a "B" to the beginning and a "r" to the end of the word "one" on the back of said bill. This is preferably done with a Sharpie so as to make the defacement that much more prevalent and noticeable.

Once a bill has been converted into a Boner Buck, it can and should only be used in transactions involving strippers and/or ladies of the street (prostitutes). Any other use of said bill is vehemently frowned upon.

Boys get your Boner Bucks ready, we are hitting up Mons Venus tonight! On a side note - you better bring an arsenal of Boner Bucks if you want a Rusty Tromblumpkin.

by JDMGio September 2, 2010

blizzsurd

An absurd amount of snow/ice accumulation during a snowstorm. Airport closures, high rates of traffic accidents and general mass chaos typically ensue.

This past January seemed quite blizzsurd, seeing how the entire Eastern seaboard was heavily blanketed in snow and ice. Luckily I wasn't one of those poor bastards stuck in an airport or in there car.

by JDMGio February 21, 2011

Brobarian

Much like a broseph, a brobarian is equal to that of a bro, dude, man, etc. with the defining characteristics of being a rather large individual, usually quite muscular and strong, and being the friend that typically starts/finishes fights.

Jason: Dude, I wouldn't mess with Patrick if I were you, he's a fucking brobarian of mine.

Andy: Yeah, and what if I do mess with him?

PATRICK: I WILL FUCKING CRUSH YOUR FACE AND BEAT YOU WITH MY 5 IRON.

by JDMGio February 10, 2010

awesomeing

The frivolous act of making ones' self seem more sophisticated, athletic, smarter or generally greater than those around them when in fact the individual is more than likely a giant floppy cock. The transition from being a well-rounded individual to a self-righteous fuck has not only plagued mankind, but perplexed us as well. With an insurmountable and seemingly endless bank of knowledge in all areas and facets of life, the "awesomer" will undoubtedly ear fuck the shit out of you with an array of whimsical allegories which he or she discovered while exploring the vast reaches of their own anus.

Awesomer -"I don't know if you are familiar with fasting, but it is really good for your body. That is why, unlike most people, I fast nearly once a month. It takes a lot of determination and will power, but as I mentioned previously I am not like most people."

Individual fed up with awesomer - "Dude, I couldn't be happier for you. On another note, I started awesomeing today. Yeah, its pretty great. I already gained 50 lbs. of muscles and my dick grew 3 inches. . . in both size and girth!"

by JDMGio April 23, 2010

McRibmania

The erratic and fan frenzied behavior that ensues when McDonalds graciously brings back the McRib to the masses. Like a gift from God, this delectable delight brings both joy and utter chaos by its presence alone; turning man against his brethren.

Whilst gallivanting around with Laney, Jason saw something that both troubled and overwhelmed him with an unreserved, and seemingly familiar infatuation. Like a shining beacon of truth, the billboard’s words touched him like no poet could ever hope to - “The McRib is back!” The golden arches of glory, once a mere glimmer on the horizon, awoke something inside him he knew to be incorruptible - McRibmania. As if mandated from the heavens, he traversed four lanes of traffic (nearly striking several elderly pedestrians and one small child), keeping steadfast to that ghostly jewel that captivated and enamored his very essence.

“What the HELL are you doing” screamed Laney, her high-pitched voiced piercing his ears like a verbal blade. Like a tidal wave of emotions, his mind was flooded with feelings of intense fury and remorse.

Jason knew he had faltered, that he made a mistake - a mistake that he needed to rectify forthwith. With one swift motion, as if rehearsed or committed to memory, Jason reached across the passenger seat, threw open the door and kicked the unwelcome transient to the curb. Left in tears and questions, Laney watched her former suitor squeal out of that familiar parking lot. With a sigh of relief and treasure in hand (and partially in mouth), he drove into that uncharted expanse - never questioning his judgment and never looking back.

by JDMGio November 2, 2010