15 definitions by Cuksocker

assguru

Experienced but ageing toilet trader

I bumped into Luke last night.

Really, is he still in business? He's old but he's still got the moves. A real assguru!

by Cuksocker November 7, 2010

cuntractor

A contractor (especially an IT contractor) who is a cunt.

These new contractors on the project seem, OK, but I'm not sure about the American.' 'No, he's right up his own arse.' 'And he's a Marillion fan.' 'Ah, what a cuntractor.

by Cuksocker November 8, 2010

Bum and coke

Drug-fuelled Cottaging in a cocktail bar or other upmarket drinking establishment toilet.

Did you come her straight from home tonight?

No, I popped into the Lord Lucan for a quick Bum and Coke.

by Cuksocker November 7, 2010

Andy W

Two-handed reach around (derived from 'handy double you')

Did you get a reach around?' 'Even better, an Andy W.'

by Cuksocker November 18, 2010

apoocalypse

A devastating explosion of excrement.

Wow, have you seen the apoocalypse in the third floor toilets? Is it the HR department holding another dirty protest?' 'No, it's that new contractor from Wilmslow. The cleaners have put up a new sign in the toilet saying "Please leave these facilities in the condition that you would wish to find them", and he took it literally.'

by Cuksocker December 13, 2010

Milanese beans

A cheap alternative to anal beads. Usually made from gnocchi held together with cassette tape.

His milanese beans were a tight but smooth fit and so much cheaper than anything you could get from Anne Summers.

by Cuksocker November 5, 2010

Fetch the puppy

Euphemism for: 'Felch the puppy', or 'Felch the cute young guy'.

Guy 1: Are you taking that puppy upstairs to the sauna? You wanna live the Berlin experience!
Guy 2: No way, I'm gonna totally fetch the puppy in my shower room. He's all mine.

by Cuksocker July 22, 2013