hey toby keep your dick in your pants because me and jennifer are all ready Fuck Budz.

'On Friday when I was drunk, I tried to explain to a bunch of my co-workers what 'Neat Pet Group' is on Facebook and how it fills my newsfeed with pics of cool dogs... and how this video popped up where this dog didn't know how to respond to the command 'get down', so it did all the tricks it knew...and well, then they gave it a treat anyway because that was cute, you know?' Everyone was silent during the build-up to and post- this rather considerable anti-climax. I felt their shame-rays raining down on me as I plowed on through the increasingly staggered and awkward story to the inevitable and disappointing conclusion. So that was my evening.

The feds are going to rush the drug bust tonight

“Is there perhapsamably a chance you could help me?” She asked.

“Perhapsamably there is a new movie we could see?” He says

"Fore!" said the golfer before the ball hit the guy putting on the green at the seventh got hit.


"Fore!" Cried the cops as the light up a house with hostages inside.

Dude, we were fucking in the bathroom when she started puking, so I gave her The Caregiver.