Me> damn, steven seagal is the fucking man
Retard> that guy is a shitty actor and his movies su-
Steven Seagal> -appears out of nowhere and swiftfully executes a flawless move, paralyzing the un-wise one from the back down-
Me> thanks, steven
Steven Seagal> no problemo -dissapears-
Retard> that guy is a shitty actor and his movies su-
Steven Seagal> -appears out of nowhere and swiftfully executes a flawless move, paralyzing the un-wise one from the back down-
Me> thanks, steven
Steven Seagal> no problemo -dissapears-
by GOERNR January 17, 2006
An actor who is funnier to use in "Chuck Norris jokes" instead of Chuck Norris simply beacause the fact of that he is more awesome.
He is good friends with Jackie Chan.
He speaks fluent japanese
He is an Aikido master of 7th dan.
He owns a dojo in japan.
He is almost always seen in a ponytail.
He is the greatest man alive.
Besides making badass action movies, Steven Seagal also plays the guitar and sings. And of course he's in a band.
He is good friends with Jackie Chan.
He speaks fluent japanese
He is an Aikido master of 7th dan.
He owns a dojo in japan.
He is almost always seen in a ponytail.
He is the greatest man alive.
Besides making badass action movies, Steven Seagal also plays the guitar and sings. And of course he's in a band.
Steven Seagal doesn't care what time it is, he decides what time it is.
Everytime boogieman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris, however every time Chuck Norris goes to bed he checks his under his bed, inside his closet, outside his window, in the living room, kitchen and in his garage for Steven Seagall.
Steven Seagal: The secret is not to act, but to be.
Everytime boogieman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris, however every time Chuck Norris goes to bed he checks his under his bed, inside his closet, outside his window, in the living room, kitchen and in his garage for Steven Seagall.
Steven Seagal: The secret is not to act, but to be.
by Kniv April 15, 2009
Fat, out of shape actor who has trouble speaking because of his fat face. Moves hands a lot when he has to fight. Fights in films don't last long because he tires very quickly
A line from any steven seagal movie
Villian: Ha Ha My plan is almost complete
Seagal: mmm mmmmm mm mm huuuh mmm huuuhhh mmm huuhhh
Seagal proceeds to beat up villian very slowly
Villian: Ha Ha My plan is almost complete
Seagal: mmm mmmmm mm mm huuuh mmm huuuhhh mmm huuhhh
Seagal proceeds to beat up villian very slowly
by ric flair August 08, 2006
The living God of No Selling, Steven Seagal has never been injured in any movie he has starred in. If you were to use it as an adjective, it would describe a situation were you were expected to get hurt, but came out without a scratch.
Person 1: "Whoa, you just Steven Seagalled that Car Wreck. It looks like everyone else involved is dead."
Person 2: "That's because I am Steven Seagal." (Breaks Person 1's Neck)
Person 2: "That's because I am Steven Seagal." (Breaks Person 1's Neck)
by Big E to the Z December 01, 2006
One of the most powerful forces in the universe, almost as powerful as Mike Anderson. Capable of using Aikido to dispatch virtually any opponent (or many opponents) with ease. Never before has any opponent put as much as scratch on Steven Seagal, in other words he is untouchable. Hi-yah!
Carl: I am going to beat your ass!
Phil: Don't make me pull a Steven Seagal on you!
Carl: Oh yeah, well I'll just....uurrghh!!!!
Phil: That's what I thought. Hi-yah!
Phil: Don't make me pull a Steven Seagal on you!
Carl: Oh yeah, well I'll just....uurrghh!!!!
Phil: That's what I thought. Hi-yah!
by T Ranger July 28, 2008
A very powerful man, one so powerful he beats his three wives for fun. Has hair the likes one has never seen; it resembles matted down beaver hair that never moves, even when fighting on top of a train or running around in the Alaskan wilderness. Currently weighing in at a cool 400 pounds, he doesn't have to actually fight anymore, just wave his hands and all have broken necks or arms. He dresses to kill in all black, which does not hide his bulky ass. No acting skills are required; all that is needed is to have a dick in your throat and be able to mumble "Mission Accomplished". In order to kill like Seagal, you must be able to slide for 20 minutes without a running start and shoot your enemies at the same time, even on the flatest of surfaces. (No reloading is required, your ammo is endless).
Every movie is made with his character having the name "John", "Jack", or "Casey". In order to write a plot for a Seagal movie, all you must do is have him a) be a cop, b) a mercenary or c) an ex-serviceman. Then Seagal must either save a sub, a town, a nuclear warhead, the environment, or all of the above. He must do battle with Columbian druglords, terrorists, or environmental evildoers. Then Seagal ultimately saves the day, and ends the movie with a snazzy one-liner. While the credits are rolling, you could have him strumming one of his guitars, and singing a jaunty little number.
Every movie is made with his character having the name "John", "Jack", or "Casey". In order to write a plot for a Seagal movie, all you must do is have him a) be a cop, b) a mercenary or c) an ex-serviceman. Then Seagal must either save a sub, a town, a nuclear warhead, the environment, or all of the above. He must do battle with Columbian druglords, terrorists, or environmental evildoers. Then Seagal ultimately saves the day, and ends the movie with a snazzy one-liner. While the credits are rolling, you could have him strumming one of his guitars, and singing a jaunty little number.
I totally Steven Seagalled that guy; Mission Accomplished.
I am Steven Seagal...someone has to take out the garbage.
I tried it with my girlfriend, she said "mission accomplished, all the way in".
I am Steven Seagal...someone has to take out the garbage.
I tried it with my girlfriend, she said "mission accomplished, all the way in".
by Mandy Broad September 22, 2007
A professional 80's pornstar who moved on to acting in the 90's. As soon as the 80's were over, he stopped making pornos just like THAT. Before his porno career he was a professional gay bodybuilder who occasionally dabbled in strongman competitions. He dominated that one where he lifts the boulder all over the place. While he was doing this, he often squinted and looked constipated, but doody would eventually drop out of his ass as he victoriously finished.
In his pornos he was most notoriously known for ponytail penetration. That is, he stuck his ponytail in some poontang. He inspired 2girls1cup with his 80's feature 2girls1ponytail. Many of his other scenes show him in the background beating off to 3 orgies: girl/girl, guy/girl, guy/guy. His most famous pornos are "Aikido in a Speedo" and "Out for an Orgy". In the former he is seen dancing around with pigtails wearing a pink speedo in front of many Japanese girls. He got banned from the porno industry for snapping the necks of too many co-stars. Seagal also forgets to wipe after he takes a dump. He just uses the residue as a quick source of hair gel. His action movie career was most impressive. He does an excellent job as the antagonist in Kindergarten Cop and he also plays as that one convict in ConAir. He's the convict with the ponytail who is burned by Cyrus The Virus for stealing his plane. It's false to say he is fat because he was absolutely RIPPED in out for a kill.
In his pornos he was most notoriously known for ponytail penetration. That is, he stuck his ponytail in some poontang. He inspired 2girls1cup with his 80's feature 2girls1ponytail. Many of his other scenes show him in the background beating off to 3 orgies: girl/girl, guy/girl, guy/guy. His most famous pornos are "Aikido in a Speedo" and "Out for an Orgy". In the former he is seen dancing around with pigtails wearing a pink speedo in front of many Japanese girls. He got banned from the porno industry for snapping the necks of too many co-stars. Seagal also forgets to wipe after he takes a dump. He just uses the residue as a quick source of hair gel. His action movie career was most impressive. He does an excellent job as the antagonist in Kindergarten Cop and he also plays as that one convict in ConAir. He's the convict with the ponytail who is burned by Cyrus The Virus for stealing his plane. It's false to say he is fat because he was absolutely RIPPED in out for a kill.
by WAFFLESTOMPER666 October 20, 2008