Holden Hands

Refers to either:

(1) What a starry-eyed bachelor loves doin' wif all da pretty girls whom he meets in Bangor-Brewer's southeastern satellite-town.

(2) A caring-hearted group of community volunteers in said twin-city suburb.

I love helping da less-privileged and physically/emotionally-infirm members of da human race, so I signed up wif Holden Hands. Da work was indeed totally satisfying and rewarding; da only prob was dat whenever I was paired wif one or more cutie-chick volunteers to perform community-assistance tasks, I always wanted to just "cuddle 'n' snuggle" wif said friendly adorable blinky-eyed damsels all day, and so we'd never get any work done --- kinda difficult to do much of anything when a marshmallow-hearted guy is cradling you on his lap, cooingly interlacing his fingers wif yers, and savoringly flexing yer toes and kneading yer arches and heels. Fortunately we were able to brainstorm a solution dat was palatable for all parties --- da lovely ladies smilingly agreed to let me rub their pretty feet during our lunch hours (oh, they loved "holden hands" wif me, too, of course --- da reason dat they were giving me access to just their tootsies during dat period was merely so dat their hands would be free to maneuver their food to their mouths), and then sit wif me after da workday was done for more misty-eyed foot-massages and hand-holding. So my being able to always gleefully look forward to said extremities-sharing delights kept me contented and happy throughout da workday, and thus allowed us all to perform our assigned duties without interruption.

by QuacksO March 01, 2023