fapoffsturbate 

To touch oneself in a manner that produces a "fapping" sound often resulting in wasted kleenex and dick cheese. Due to lacking alternatives, it's popularity has constantly risen since women were given rights.

John: Hey Joe, seeing as you're a pathetic loser who can't seem to get a girl, would it be a stretch to say that you fapoffsturbate whilst self-inducing asphyxiation to help yourself fall asleep at night?

Joe: ... huh...?

John: Oh, I'm simply implying that you have a lot of time on your hands.

fapoffsturbate by j1zZ January 3, 2011