Sofa Soldier
A male, usually in their 20's, single, jobless, and shaped like a wad of cookie dough, who thinks he is a hard ass or bad ass because he plays violent video games all day long while gobbling fast food and soda. A grown-ass man who dresses like an 8-year-old boy (jorts, backwards baseball hat, 3xl sports jersey). Acts aggressive in real life by cutting in line, pushing women or kids out of his way, bragging how he can kick your ass while throwing around his shopping cart or merchandise in the store. When someone finally beats his slop ass and big gutted ego back down to size and puts his loser ass back in check, the soldier usually runs back to Mommy's basement and faps to hardcore porn and eats a case of pringles. Or works on his blog/podcast/hip hop
career.
career.
My Girl: "That dopey eyed sofa soldier thinks he is intimidating us by pushing his big misshapen self up closer and slamming his shit down while drooling and trying to act hard..."
Me: "The only thing scary about him is how much of our tax dollars go toward keeping that waste of oxygen above ground..."
Sofa Soldier: "I'm hungry!!! And so tired from being up all night playing Call Of Duty... Ima kick somebody's ass if this line doesn't move faster"
Me:"Easy fat boy! You might have a heart attack... Just be patient this is reality not a video game"
Me: "The only thing scary about him is how much of our tax dollars go toward keeping that waste of oxygen above ground..."
Sofa Soldier: "I'm hungry!!! And so tired from being up all night playing Call Of Duty... Ima kick somebody's ass if this line doesn't move faster"
Me:"Easy fat boy! You might have a heart attack... Just be patient this is reality not a video game"
Sofa Soldier by bob the driver September 18, 2016
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