Northern Oregon Regional
Correctional Facility
Basically where anyone who lives in Hood River, Wasco or Sheridan counties in Oregon will end up if they stay in the area for more than two weeks. Cuz otherwise you'll wind up becoming a shit-smoking two-weaker and find your pasty-white, oregonian ass in one of their anything-but-state-of-the-art holding cells sporting a poorly-fitting orange jumpsuit and crocs. But if you're reading this you likely have already "booked" a night with them or know someone who has.
Located in The (dirty) Dalles, Oregon. This
correctional facility excels in creating very loyal guests - as over 90% of their tenants enjoy their stay with NORCOR so much they come back time and again. Privately owned by the 3 counties judges, it's no surprise this jail is always fully booked with over 112 inmates being held at any given time. But when it comes to actually correcting anything in the area, NORCOR does the exact opposite.
The Local Government: "You can't truly appreciate the Columbia River Gorge without booking a night at NORCOR - the local county jail! experience our unbeatable $27 a night rates, fully unfurnished, confining, windowless "suites" complete with luxurious single granite slabs and stylish, what-might-pass-as mattresses. You'll love our
complimentary room service and extensive menu of what-might-pass-as-food and something that looks like water. Our staff of officers will ignore all of your needs, deny your basic rights and do all they can to reinforce your lack of self-worth. During your stay at NORCOR you can kick-back and relax while shitting in front of random strangers, enjoy the soothing sounds of the
mentally ill screaming til dawn, and make great new friends who can help you cope with your
incarceration on the outside with more of the shit that got you booked here in the first place! We'll even follow up with you for
years to come and fail to provide any means of getting you back on your feet enough to pay your bill. We provide everything you need to turn your normal, manageable life into a spiraling vortex of mental illness, financial insecurity, drug use, unemployment and repeat offenses just to keep this corrupt town's government happily funded and you in our system.
NORCOR - we'll leave the light on for you....all night long.
