Northern Oregon Regional Correctional Facility
Basically where anyone who lives in Hood River, Wasco or Sheridan counties in Oregon
will end up if they stay in the area for more than two weeks. Cuz otherwise you'll wind up becoming a shit-
smoking two-weaker and find your pasty-white, oregonian ass in one of their anything-but-state-of-the-
art holding cells sporting a poorly-fitting orange jumpsuit and
crocs. But if you're reading this you likely have already "booked" a night with them or know someone who has.
Located in The (dirty) Dalles, Oregon. This correctional facility excels in creating very loyal guests - as over 90% of their tenants enjoy their stay with NORCOR so much they come back
time and again. Privately owned by the 3 counties judges, it's no surprise this
jail is always fully booked with over 112 inmates being held at any given
time. But when it comes to actually correcting anything in the area, NORCOR does the exact opposite.
The Local
Government: "You can't truly appreciate the Columbia River Gorge without booking a night at NORCOR - the local county jail! experience our unbeatable $27 a night rates, fully unfurnished, confining, windowless "suites" complete with luxurious single granite slabs and stylish, what-might-pass-as mattresses. You'll love our complimentary room service and extensive menu of what-might-pass-as-food and something that looks like
water. Our staff of officers
will ignore all of your needs, deny your basic rights and do all they can to reinforce your lack of self-worth. During your stay at NORCOR you can kick-back and relax while shitting in front of
random strangers, enjoy the soothing sounds of the mentally
ill screaming til dawn, and make great new
friends who can help you cope with your incarceration on the outside with more of the shit that got you booked here in the first place! We'll even follow up with you for years to come and fail to provide any means of getting you back on your
feet enough to pay your
bill. We provide everything you need to turn your
normal, manageable life into a spiraling vortex of mental illness, financial insecurity, drug use, unemployment and repeat offenses just to keep this corrupt town's government happily funded and you in our system.
NORCOR - we'll leave the light on for you....all night long.
