Level of Feces

The Level of Feces refers to the rating of human feces, similar to a category of a hurricane. It is also known as "Level of Poop," "The Stair of Shit," and "Crap Rating." It is usually not refered to as the "Level of Feces," but is the official name of the scale. The scale consists of three main categories that can break into smaller and more detailed categories. The scale has three main levels, increasing in severeness as the numbers get bigger. The following are the three main categories...

Level One: Poop
Poop is your average log of feces. It comes out in one piece, maybe a few different pieces, but the main point is is that it is not a mess. A Perfect Poop is usually in this category as minimal toilet paper is used. The most severe type of poop usually has nuts in it, which may be uncomfortable when exiting the body. It is nothing to brag about and it is the most convenient type.

Level Two: Crap
Crap is a bit more messy than a poop and may have the widest range of detailed feces. It can be a very soft type of feces. It can (and usually does) have a "hot" and maybe stinging feeling when released. It can be a pain in the ass to wipe (and you should take that literally), using a good amount of toilet paper. It definitely has a distinct smell and can leave some good skid marks.

Level Three: Shit
Shits are a strictly rare occurence. Most people may thinka really bad crap is a shit, but what would a level three type of feces be without rare and severe characteristics? Shit is the most foul smelling type of feces, having a very bad scent every single time it is released. It always consists of a good amount of fluids/water in the feces, causing it to almost fall out of you. If your ass was a machine gun, shit would be coming out of the barrel. A common adjective that goes along with shit is "droopy" or "drooping." It is used to describe how easy it comes out of your rectum, but has the "hot" and "burning" feeling 100% of the time. Infact, not all diarrhea is categorized as shit. Yes, shit usually does make the toilet water a very dark and murky color because the shit has mixed into the water like chocolate milk mix, but if it does not feel "hot" and "burning" and does not require a maximum amount of toilet paper, it is not a shit. Being sick and having the hershey squirts is almost always a shit. Clogging the toilet with a shit's amount of toilet paper is very common. Remember, a shit is only an extreme rarety and is quite painful and unpleasant.

Now, these levels can go into details on the feces such as "soft," "droopy," "burning," etc. but those details can be countless as feces comes in all forms, shapes and even colors. An addition to this entry is a way to scale the smell of the feces. First, put your face under your shirt, covering your nose after some of the feces has been released. Then, after the smell under your shirt has intensified the smell (guarenteed to work), uncover your nostrils from the shirt and smell the loose air. If you can still smell a fair amount of stink, the feces most likely has a horrific smell.

Man A "Dude, that Chinese food gave me the shits."
Man B "Are you sure it wasn't a crap? According to the Level of Feces, shits are very rare and craps have the biggest array. Obviously it is not a poop if you think it is THAT bad."

Level of Feces by JayPKay May 17, 2008