Them: Hey, wanna take this off of Bumble.com and meet up this week?

Me: Yeah I'm down! I want to keep it socially distant though, maybe in the park and approximately 1 fauci apart?

This Jazz Cabbage got me zooted. Jazz Cabbage is less harmful than Squares. I’m smoking that Jazz Cabbage boy.

She is a great person and fun to chill with, but I had to Fauci her.

"How to tell a Fauci?"

example: If things go well, and were all vaccinated, you will still need to wear masks all day or for most of the day, even though they probably don't work.

Well done, that was so fauci of you OR such a fauci move

Dave: Hey man, congrats on the win last night. But listen, you know that guy Jim on your team? He’s telling people that he scored the winning goal. I know that shit’s not true because I was there and saw you score.

Mark: Thanks man. Yeah Jim is kind of becoming a self-aggrandizing dick these days. Even worse, the school newspaper has started parroting his nonsense instead of sending people to watch our games. I guess I’ll have to fauci him next week, if I hear him making stuff up. But I’m not gonna pick a fight. Life’s too short. Also, did you know that, like, half of that guy’s family died last year?

Dave: Shit, no... what happened?

Mark: Remember covid19? Well Jim’s parents thought the whole thing was a hoax. And they were not shy about making their views known either. They would make these videos where the whole family would go to a grocery store, a gas station, a mall, or whatever, and just start licking stuff. They posted the videos to youtube and built up this cult following. That just emboldened them to lick more stuff. It was nuts.

Dave: And then it’s covid19 that ends up killing them! That’s some ironic shit.

Mark: No, it was chemtrails that killed them.

Dave: Oh shit!!! Wait, what?

Mark: They didn’t realize that the feds decided to up the frequency and potency of the ‘trails last summer. The only protection from chemtrails is a N95 mask.

Dave: And Jim’s family were the only ones in town who never wore masks!

Mark: Truth.

(kicks toe on armchair leg)

Fauci!!!