Underrated, fast yet somewhat
creepy, this subway can also be called "The Illuminati Express" (after it'
s prison car style interior design and the symbolism that embellishes the Johns Hopkins Hospital Terminal Station) or "The Silver
Rabbit" (as opposed to the MTA-
Maryland'
s companion "White
Snail," or light rail, which is slow yet somewhat charming).
As opposed to the previous
definition, the Baltimore Metro goes places, just not very many places. Specifically, it gives car-free locals access to shopping at the Owings Mills Mall, but only if they are willing to wait a half hour for the bus or walk fifteen minutes around (oh the irony) an abandoned parking lot embellished by signs that promise a walkable, transit friendly community.
For those more edgy lovers of shopping and ladies of the Mondawmin Pixy kind, the metro goes directly to an urban mall.
For lovers of still more edgy thrills, this train also goes directly to the (in)"famous" Lexington Market (where one can transfer, if the are willing to walk two blocks in the elements, to the infamous White Snail, giving them access to yet more B-more spots).
The Baltimore Metro is supposedly going to go more places in the future, including Morgan State and White Marsh. However, that will only happen once (1) The recession and related state funding crisis ends and (2) Baltimore'
s young professional colonists
stop viewing the great historic city as just another car entitled suburb of
DC.
My
boy'
s into all dat crazy occult bullshit, so he'
s riding the Baltimore Metro to the end of the line to study all dem pyramids and stars they gots at Hopkins. Me ... all I wants is a piece of fried chicken, a 'nick and a freaky 'ho, so I be gettin' off at Lexington Market yo!
