Scan Monkey

Any lowly employee in a retail big box store. Commonly seen wearing colored polo shirts with name tags and khaki pants, carrying some sort of portable barcode scanning apparatus, such as a scan gun. Usual habitats include, but are not limited to: Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival, and at one time, Blockbuster Video. The Scan Monkey is well-known for its constant screeches of sarcasm and passive-aggressive tendencies, particularly towards figures of authority and their customers.

Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.

Jimmy: Let's see, I'm 30 now and I've worked at Walmart, Blockbuster, Hot Topic, Krogers, Best Buy, Sears, and now I'm doing a nickel as an Assistant Guest Services Specialist over at Rent-A-Center.

Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*

Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!

by jimmydevious January 27, 2013

Sideways monkey mouth

The vagina

She loves it hard in the sideways monkey mouth

by Cosmicdave October 29, 2017

stick monkey

A derogatory term for aircraft pilots (regardless of him/her being in the fixed-wing/airplane or rotary/helicopter community). This species of aviators is prevalent in the commercial airlines, private aviation, or the military (e.g. Navy, Marines, Air Force, Army, and even the Coast Guard and the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration/NOAA). The term can also be used to denote astronauts.

True to the name, the stick monkey just wiggles the joystick around, making the plane roll left, right, up, down, clockwise, and counterclockwise.

If you were to fly for the Navy, would you rather be a stick monkey or a back-seater?

by DJRayRay December 1, 2017

Sluggish Monkey

Typically a person who is a bit crazy at times but really lazy overall

Girl 1:"how's your boyfriend?"

Girl 2:"he's good but overall a bit of a sluggish monkey,"

by ME GRANDMA 52 February 26, 2018

Canadian snow monkey

A mythical creature found in the Ottawa valley/ Ontario Canada

We heard the cries of a Canadian snow monkey in Nidenes bush while hiking.

by La Roofier February 25, 2019

sitting monk

A type of sexual position in which the male or lady-boy, basically whoever has the penis sits indian-style with his legs crossed over one another on the floor preferably on a comfortable and somewhat cushioned surface, such as a yoga mat, with his back against a wall or sturdy surface and his arms pressed against his sides in an upward manner while his hands are extended out to the side as if he's asking his partner for spare change. Then, the women will sit in his lap placing his penis into her vagina or anus, squatting into the gap created by the man's legs being crossed, with her knees bent and feet facing forward she will place her hands in his palms to use as leverage and begin sliding up and down on his cock (usually while chanting).

Chris: Hey man, I've got an extra ticket to the game tonight do you want to go with me?
Phillip: Sorry man, I can't tonight! Jenny and I are going to temple this evening.
Chris: Temple?!? I didn't know you two were Buddhists?!?

Phillip: Oh! We're not! Jenny bought this new kamasutra book the other day and tonight we're trying the sitting monk position. I suppose I'm supposed to be Buddha and she's going to worship my cock or something. Afterwards, I'm going to bless her with my holy water if you know what I mean???
Chris: Holy water??? That's Catholic not Buddhist!
Phillip: Whatever, I'm getting laid.

by Ambiguousgenitals January 27, 2021

shotgun monkey

a person that fucks you over with a shotgun in a video game and is retarded.

my friend ben is a shotgun monkey he runs up to me and shotguns me right in the dick

by roasteddecaf December 29, 2021