Jesus chords

The basic major and minor chord shapes, as generally played on an acoustic guitar. They are commonly referred to as the 'Jesus chords' simply because they make up the majority of Christian worship music. Singer/songwriters are also well-known for playing these chords frequently in their music.

A guitarist who is only playing 'Jesus chords' (and not using a capo) will rarely, if ever, move his hand past the 4th fret.

Major chords:
E, F (barre), G, A, C, and D major

Minor chords:
E and A minor, B minor (movable), and barre chords that don't include the 3rd finger (movable)

I can kinda play guitar...well, I know the Jesus chords, at least.

by tenortoad July 18, 2012

jesus seizure

going into a religious based seizure that was seemingly induced by some kind of preacher, but is really the persons own doing. check out benny hinn on youtube, or that movie jesus camp.

The term can also be used when someone is buggin' out over something trivial

"what kind of church is this? pastor is knockin people out, givin everyone jesus seizures"
or
"damn dude, frank is buggin out about his girl. he's straight up havin a jesus seizure, lettin that holy spirit out"

by mkultraWUD August 30, 2011

Jesus Faist

A cultish fake religion created by theatre brats where participants worship Michael Faist.

"Sacrifice that little child over there for our lord and savor Jesus Faist"

by WhinnieDaPotatoSalad January 18, 2021

Jesus Moment

When an absolute dumbass creates an incredibly bullshit excuse to not do something.

(Not Jesus as in the son of god, but the mexican name Jesus)

Jesus: I can't turn in my work, the site is down!
Person 1: Jesus moment

by edp4452 January 8, 2022

Jesus Emitter

Something that emits ultraviolet radiation detectable to the human eye.

It's so dark in here...turn on the Jesus Emitter!

by ASsdfaklbs6! December 1, 2010

Jesus Only

The secret ESRB rating for a game that has been critically acclaimed to be so violent that it's been rated JO, for Jesus Only.

"Hey did you hear that Manhunt 2 got an AO rating?" "Actually, it's been rated JO for Jesus Only, because if you are someone other then Jesus and you play it, then you are most likely to swallow your own head."

by Foof811 July 15, 2010

Jesus Spot

When you are driving around and you find that golden parking spot that is calling your name, as if Jesus were opening up the heavens to you in an 8'x16' space.

I was trying to find parking at the grocery store, and this jesus spot opened up right next to the entrance. I shouted to the heavens, "Sweet Jesus!" because I didn't have to go on an exodus across the parking lot to get my Depends for Men - my anus was ready to ignite!

by Two Awesome Persons February 25, 2011