"Canada's history" involves being taken captive by a French Canadian and having terrible (sexual) things done to you while the French Canadian screams "god bless the queen!!"
all those "alien abductions" reported in Canada, they're really Canada's History going down.
The sexual act of shoving a moose antler up the anus of one's sexual partner by using maple syrup as a lubricant. Also, you wear the Stanley Cup as a hat.
That process of being in the front row to the greatest show on earth. After they stopped using maple syrup as lube and quit shoving antlers in their beavers, they noticed the ballers below them in the United States, and have been watching ever since.
Damn, Canada's History used to be so hot and sticky, but at least our igloos aren't melting anymore.