The act of when individuals in a white-collar environment masquerade as sophisticated, hi-powered professionals with dreams of innovation and corporate-ladder climbing.
In reality, they are nothing more than simpering, limp mediocrities with little imagination, over-inflated ambition, endless arsenals of vapid buzzwords and half-baked skills that offer nothing to whatever field or industry they happen to be (undeservedly) employed in.
The only thing they happen to share with real professionals who actually do know their shit, are direct as hell and get things done is their passion for their own business attire. Giorgio Armani, Hugo Boss, or hell, even some cheap-ass suit from Target won't hide the fact that these dipshits are out of their depth and pollute the office environment with their infinite, tedious posturing.
Unlike typical cosplay there ain't no hotties strutting around as Wonder Woman and Black Widow, or dudes stomping around as Thor or Batman here. Only simians with ties and lapels are what you can expect.
In reality, they are nothing more than simpering, limp mediocrities with little imagination, over-inflated ambition, endless arsenals of vapid buzzwords and half-baked skills that offer nothing to whatever field or industry they happen to be (undeservedly) employed in.
The only thing they happen to share with real professionals who actually do know their shit, are direct as hell and get things done is their passion for their own business attire. Giorgio Armani, Hugo Boss, or hell, even some cheap-ass suit from Target won't hide the fact that these dipshits are out of their depth and pollute the office environment with their infinite, tedious posturing.
Unlike typical cosplay there ain't no hotties strutting around as Wonder Woman and Black Widow, or dudes stomping around as Thor or Batman here. Only simians with ties and lapels are what you can expect.
"Hey Sean, ready to watch the latest round of Corporate Cosplay in the Marketing Dept. Today?"
"Jesus Christ. If I hear the word 'artisan' or 'paradigm' from those fuckwits one more time I'm going to crack some skulls."
"Jesus Christ. If I hear the word 'artisan' or 'paradigm' from those fuckwits one more time I'm going to crack some skulls."
by No Man's Skyfall December 15, 2016
Get the Corporate Cosplaymug. The guy that was once a participating member of the team but has now risen to corporate status and is now much too busy for the team. Of course, he still expects the free meeting lunches but obviously doesn't attend the meeting
by Swaybone August 5, 2024
Get the Corporate Rickmug. A fictitious rank for someone who believes that they are a genius military leader (or at least more competent than their actual military leaders), due specifically to their lower-level military experience.
Typically found among former soldiers who end up in positions of authority, and believe that their being in the army once, and being from the rank and file and not an officer, makes them more qualified to make big decisions than actual officers, despite said officers potentially having made such big decisions for many years, but who were obviously out of touch because they'd started their careers as officers and had spent most of their time behind desks.
Similar to the armchair general, but with the caveat of even the tiniest amount of military service instantly making them more qualified than other armchair generals.
Typically found among former soldiers who end up in positions of authority, and believe that their being in the army once, and being from the rank and file and not an officer, makes them more qualified to make big decisions than actual officers, despite said officers potentially having made such big decisions for many years, but who were obviously out of touch because they'd started their careers as officers and had spent most of their time behind desks.
Similar to the armchair general, but with the caveat of even the tiniest amount of military service instantly making them more qualified than other armchair generals.
"And so Hitler the Corporal-General, remembering his time as a corporal in the trenches of the Western Front, declared that putting more resources into producing flamethrowers would win the war, much to the chagrin of his generals, who had instead been trying to get him to allocate more divisions to repel the allied invasion of Sicily."
by Dr Mg October 14, 2022
Get the Corporal-generalmug. Modern day slavery in the workforce is corporate slavery is the mistreatment of employees by paying low wages and no health care. Typically you have a toxic manager that focuses on what you do wrong, which is minimal, but focusing on what you do well and does realize that you have a life outside of work. Often there is a point system for attendance, for instance getting one point for calling sick. You can only earn a certain of points if you call off for work, but you could be a single mother with sick children. Corporate Slavery has risen dramatically due to the decline of unions and "The Right to Work"
Me: Kathy just called in sick for today because when she woke up, her fiancee next to her in bed had died in bed.
Krystal: Can you believe Sheri's response to Kathy was that since it was unplanned absence she would earn a point. Then the boss told her she wouldn't paid for her bereavement time, because he was just a fiancee - not yet a husband.
Me: So wait - are telling me that Kathy won't received the paid bereavement because he was "just" a fiancee. I can't believe Sheri would even mention points. Like Kathy gives a shit right now.
Krystal: This is corporate slavery. Remember when the computers were non-functional and we had to show up to this damn cube farm all three days and just at a non-working computer.
Me: That was horribly boring! Right right this is just a form of modern day slavery. I hate it here, when do I get to time off during the day to be able to interview. It is almost impossible to get your time off approved.
Krystal: Can you believe Sheri's response to Kathy was that since it was unplanned absence she would earn a point. Then the boss told her she wouldn't paid for her bereavement time, because he was just a fiancee - not yet a husband.
Me: So wait - are telling me that Kathy won't received the paid bereavement because he was "just" a fiancee. I can't believe Sheri would even mention points. Like Kathy gives a shit right now.
Krystal: This is corporate slavery. Remember when the computers were non-functional and we had to show up to this damn cube farm all three days and just at a non-working computer.
Me: That was horribly boring! Right right this is just a form of modern day slavery. I hate it here, when do I get to time off during the day to be able to interview. It is almost impossible to get your time off approved.
by Siouxsie Supertramp October 12, 2020
Get the Corporate Slaverymug. by Idiocity January 29, 2024
Get the nova corporationmug. Individuals who work for money for the sake of money. Take care of business for business' sake. Renegades within corporate ranks, fucking up all kinds of bottlenecks and complacency. Rocks the boat and follows the money. Takes "In God We Trust" to literally mean our, the royal "We", trust held in fiat currency. Will break rules AND take credit for it. Not afraid to catch flak. Cutthoat. Guilty by association. Wet you up from the neck up. Originated in the US of A. Pioneered in the Wild West. There is no final frontier...
Example
Person 1: License and registration, please.
Person 2: *hands them papers*
Person 1: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Person 2: Just doing your job?
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 1: You being smart with me?
Person 2: You pulled ME over.
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 1: Okay, I see the registered owner's name and the name on your ID do not match. Care to explain?
Person 2: This... is a company car-
Person 3: Would you like a business card. We're Corporate Cowboys tonight.
Person 1: Oh...Uhhh, no. That won't be necessary. I'm aware of who y'all are... Just doing your job, too, huh?
Person 3: We can't disclose that information.
Person 1: So the owner of this is uhh..?
Person 2: We can't disclose that information.
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 2: Well, let's wrap this up-
Person 1: W-would you like my name and badge number? My sergeant doesn't have to hear about this...
Person 2: Easy, Officer... We're on the same side here. Technically, we're all Corporate.
Person 3: Yeah, you are the "loss prevention" to our "collections". We never cross, because we never fuck up.
Person 1: So am I being detained?
Person 2: ...
Person 3: ...redacted? Do we take their name and badge?
Person 1: Please?
Person 2: Have a quiet night, Officer. Drive safe.
Person 1: License and registration, please.
Person 2: *hands them papers*
Person 1: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Person 2: Just doing your job?
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 1: You being smart with me?
Person 2: You pulled ME over.
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 1: Okay, I see the registered owner's name and the name on your ID do not match. Care to explain?
Person 2: This... is a company car-
Person 3: Would you like a business card. We're Corporate Cowboys tonight.
Person 1: Oh...Uhhh, no. That won't be necessary. I'm aware of who y'all are... Just doing your job, too, huh?
Person 3: We can't disclose that information.
Person 1: So the owner of this is uhh..?
Person 2: We can't disclose that information.
Person 3: *chuckles*
Person 2: Well, let's wrap this up-
Person 1: W-would you like my name and badge number? My sergeant doesn't have to hear about this...
Person 2: Easy, Officer... We're on the same side here. Technically, we're all Corporate.
Person 3: Yeah, you are the "loss prevention" to our "collections". We never cross, because we never fuck up.
Person 1: So am I being detained?
Person 2: ...
Person 3: ...redacted? Do we take their name and badge?
Person 1: Please?
Person 2: Have a quiet night, Officer. Drive safe.
by el socio October 12, 2018
Get the Corporate Cowboysmug. Person 1: How are you making so much money? Do you have a job?
Person 2: No I’m selling shares of corporations
Person 2: No I’m selling shares of corporations
by 316136136136174 February 17, 2021
Get the selling shares of corporationsmug.