simulated blumpkin

A solo version of a blumpkin usually performed by jerkin it while taking a dump. It is usually performed by a Cringelord to the memory of some unrequited love. If the performer is short a couple ribs, either through surgical means or birth defect, may also be done full-simulation style.

Person A: Hey man, where did Cringelord go? he isn't bothering your friend again is he? I mean he's been after her so long when she's made it clear she just isn't that into him.

Person B: Nah, he just went to take a dump.

Person A: Oh, so he's doing a simulated blumpkin?

Person B: Yup...

by evilleppy June 13, 2020

Blumpkin Spoogester

A male defecating while simultaneously receiving genital stimulation to the point of climax. The presence of spooge is important.

The only time I had a blumpkin spoogester was during college when a wild-eyed sophomore mounted me on the toilet. Cuming that way was a strange sensation. In fact, it is one that I will never forget, and I am nearing 90 years old.

by Lady de Minthe February 7, 2021

Hobo Blumpkin

The seductive art of performing oral sex on a homeless person while they are simultaneously feasting on the contents of your dinner's to-go box.

I really wanted to give the homeless guy an Hobo Blumpkin but he doesn't eat pork.

by kdbamaman November 11, 2012

Rustic Blumpkin

The act of receiving fellatio while in a porta potty, outhouse or general wilderness setting

While not ideal, Brian could not pass up the chance to receive a Rustic Blumpkin during an emergency deuce at the country festival porta potty by a townie.

by TheUrbanSombrero August 3, 2019

Boston Blumpkin

When your girl is giving you head on the toilet, then when you are about to nut. You stand up and bend her over while nutting in or on her asshole. Leaving it looking like a boston cream donut.

Damn! That ass looking cute! Only thing missing is a Boston Blumpkin

by MoonMan6969 October 30, 2019

Devil's Blumpkin

The male drinks a whole bottle of hot sauce, then when his stomach gets ready to explode the girl fills her mouth with jalapeño peppers and blows him while he's shitting, making sure to pay attention to his dickhole.

Me: Larry why are you walking so funny?

Larry: My girlfriend gave me a Devil's Blumpkin last night and I'm burning through my dickhole to my asshole.

by Tickleroftaints March 5, 2022

tatty blumpkin

Unimpressive blow job while taking a shit

Woman: was it good for you?
Man: Eh, tatty blumpkin.

by bigmike72 February 20, 2011