Necrotic Massage

Unlike an erotic massage that’s fun and sensual, a necrotic message is when Heather gets spanked so bad in foosball her body starts to eat itself in shame. An arm is usually amputated.

Jackson gave heather a necrotic massage at dog bar last night. She still hasn’t recovered.

by Jterp June 6, 2025

Finger Knuckle Massager

A cover up word for a jerking off machine for the lonely motherfuckers who cannot get bitches

Hey bro you want a finger knuckle massager. It relieves your pain super fucking fast.

by thegchad May 18, 2024

massage envy

the worst fucking place in the entire world.

i’m going to hell, massage envy.

by twbshdi34 February 23, 2024

Fingerprinting Massage

A speculative, avant-garde, or dystopian wellness practice where the masseur’s technique is centered on meticulously harvesting the client’s fingerprints during the session. Instead of kneading muscles, the practitioner uses high-fidelity scanning pads, fine clays, or pressure-sensitive films embedded in their fingertips to capture a perfect map of the client’s unique epidermal ridges. This is performed under the guise of “bio-mapping for personalized energy work” or “dermatoglyphic stress analysis,” but the true product is the biometric data. It’s the ultimate fusion of faux-spiritual self-care with covert identity theft, turning relaxation into a data harvest.

Example: “The new spa offered a ‘Fingerprinting Massage for Chakra Alignment.’ The therapist said she was ‘reading my energy pathways through my unique prints.’ An hour later, I was deeply relaxed, and my biometric login at work was mysteriously compromised. She didn’t just release my knots; she copied my keys.”

by Abzunammu February 2, 2026