The official term is docuphilia, used to describe a person who is sexual aroused by legal terms and their associated pleonasms. Docuphiliacs or jargon jerkers are known to deviously hoard credit card contracts, legal disclaimers, copyright notices, government signs, and other legal documents, forms & contracts for subsequent and sometimes daily arousal. Docuphilia is a rare disorder having no allegiance to occupation, race, sex, gender, political orientation or creed. (It is a common misconception that most lawyers are docuphiliacs and vice versa.) There is no way to determine whom is a docuphiliac besides recognizing the following symptoms:
i . Excessive maundering and confusion while in the presence of “desirable” legal documents.
ii. Meager but frequent attempts to view a legal document in solitude. WARNING: Agitated docuphiliacs may resort to violence to obtain a desirable document. The docuphiliac may use occupational related excuses in order to achieve this. (Example: I'd better bring this to the boss/I'll read this over for you.) Veteran docuphiliacs express no shame in these blatant attempts. Upon his/her untimely return the docuphiliac will honor the terms of the excuse but often very poorly. Beware.
iii. An excessive collection of framed legal documents and other nicely worded texts throughout the docuphiliacs office.
iv. Hours of satisfaction in fantasizing about word cells to generate new words.
v. Meticulous aversion to informal slang. Which is deemed “undesirable” and “unattractive” by docuphiliacs. (Not necessarily because of it’s improperness.)
One may hear "YES!" "OH YEAH!" "DAMN!" etc orgasmicly exclaimed from your company's paper recycling center or Xerox room if a co-worker is a jargon jerker. Where docuphiliacs are known to search for documents out of desperation.
Until recently docuphiliacs acted individually solely for their own personal leisure, however the docuphilial elite have orchestrated a number of seemingly unrelated lawsuits to induce the literate population into this esoteric disorder. The lawsuits’ modus operandi includes suing large corporations for very frivolous purposes including: becoming obese after eating their food, getting burned after spilling coffee on themselves, etc. The single motive of these lawsuits of course is to force the company to include a legal disclaimer on their product.
If the docuphiliacs continue to proliferate and broaden their beliefs everything ever written will be in legal terms and in their eyes, the docuphiliacs will conquer the world.
A growing number of conspiracies maintain that the government is aware of the docuphilial elite and their sinister motives. They claim, that the government is attempting to crush the movement it by stalling FOIA requests, censoring desirable documents and lessening public involvement with legislation.
DISCLAIMER: You (the reader) agree that by asserting this transmission as true; you fully and willingly acknowledge that you are: 1) A total moron. In rare instances (Example: Cigarette warnings, pharmaceutical warnings, etc.) legal disclaimers are necessary to protect the population from serfdom. To distinguish docuphilial legislation/lawsuits from a necessary one ask yourself: Does this label caution one of true hazards or simply demonstrate how foolish one can be?
i . Excessive maundering and confusion while in the presence of “desirable” legal documents.
ii. Meager but frequent attempts to view a legal document in solitude. WARNING: Agitated docuphiliacs may resort to violence to obtain a desirable document. The docuphiliac may use occupational related excuses in order to achieve this. (Example: I'd better bring this to the boss/I'll read this over for you.) Veteran docuphiliacs express no shame in these blatant attempts. Upon his/her untimely return the docuphiliac will honor the terms of the excuse but often very poorly. Beware.
iii. An excessive collection of framed legal documents and other nicely worded texts throughout the docuphiliacs office.
iv. Hours of satisfaction in fantasizing about word cells to generate new words.
v. Meticulous aversion to informal slang. Which is deemed “undesirable” and “unattractive” by docuphiliacs. (Not necessarily because of it’s improperness.)
One may hear "YES!" "OH YEAH!" "DAMN!" etc orgasmicly exclaimed from your company's paper recycling center or Xerox room if a co-worker is a jargon jerker. Where docuphiliacs are known to search for documents out of desperation.
Until recently docuphiliacs acted individually solely for their own personal leisure, however the docuphilial elite have orchestrated a number of seemingly unrelated lawsuits to induce the literate population into this esoteric disorder. The lawsuits’ modus operandi includes suing large corporations for very frivolous purposes including: becoming obese after eating their food, getting burned after spilling coffee on themselves, etc. The single motive of these lawsuits of course is to force the company to include a legal disclaimer on their product.
If the docuphiliacs continue to proliferate and broaden their beliefs everything ever written will be in legal terms and in their eyes, the docuphiliacs will conquer the world.
A growing number of conspiracies maintain that the government is aware of the docuphilial elite and their sinister motives. They claim, that the government is attempting to crush the movement it by stalling FOIA requests, censoring desirable documents and lessening public involvement with legislation.
DISCLAIMER: You (the reader) agree that by asserting this transmission as true; you fully and willingly acknowledge that you are: 1) A total moron. In rare instances (Example: Cigarette warnings, pharmaceutical warnings, etc.) legal disclaimers are necessary to protect the population from serfdom. To distinguish docuphilial legislation/lawsuits from a necessary one ask yourself: Does this label caution one of true hazards or simply demonstrate how foolish one can be?
i. Philip: "Why was there cum dripping from my credit card contract?"
Bob: "Larry stopped by earlier, he's a total jargon jerker."
ii. Mr. Ruff: "What?! What kind of idiot wouldn't know that coffee is hot?!" *Hmm this disclaimer turns me on...ouch!*
Docuphilial Elitist: *Smirks*
Bob: "Larry stopped by earlier, he's a total jargon jerker."
ii. Mr. Ruff: "What?! What kind of idiot wouldn't know that coffee is hot?!" *Hmm this disclaimer turns me on...ouch!*
Docuphilial Elitist: *Smirks*
by The Affiliate January 13, 2005
Boy: All I want to do is sit on a nice cock, suck on a nice dick
Boy2: Mate, you're talking in dick-jargon
Boy2: Mate, you're talking in dick-jargon
by Willis McGee July 20, 2006
Often times, specialized fields of study or knowledge will have field-specific definitions for various words. This is known as jargon. When two people representing different fields of knowledge come to conflict over an idea due to their respective jargons, cross-jargonation occurs. Generally one or both parties will refuse to compromise on the definition, preferring instead to act as if their definition is superior and unalterable. The result can often be heard as a loud popping sound, caused by the skull of an innocent kitten spontaneously detonating.
Gary was presented a query by his philosophy professor, whom we shall call Ace; Can a person be both a skeptic and an agnostic? Gary answered yes, and was quickly rebuffed by Ace, who stated that the two things were necessarily in conflict. Detecting a case of cross-jargonation, Gary suggested that Ace perhaps consider a more universal definition of the two terms. Ace refused, and all generally agreed that he is a total fucktard. The detonating kitten skull was heard shortly after.
by whitedevilbrewingco February 12, 2008
Your statement/letter is too full of jargon and waffle, and includes paragraphs on irrelevant points
by Topaze November 30, 2013
(v): to use highly technical language to conceal information or to highlight a person's lack of knowledge.
by katie&morgan January 20, 2012
Heavy use of acronyms, catchphrases and buzzwords during a conversation. Favored by project managers and team leaders at large corporations.
"Ugh, working here drives me nuts...my boss just uses jargon barf in meetings instead of actually communicating!"
"Let's make sure we include the tech team on this build for visibility. Then we'll bring in the ringleaders to make the EPR and LWS reports to make sure we don't have any showstoppers before the go-live".
"Let's make sure we include the tech team on this build for visibility. Then we'll bring in the ringleaders to make the EPR and LWS reports to make sure we don't have any showstoppers before the go-live".
by Hodaka July 06, 2010
Speech or writing with convoluted amounts of straightness. Typically and unnecessarily used to disrupt the gays enjoyment of life.
Examples of straight jargon:
1. "Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?"
2. "We're having our Fantasy League NFL draft tomorrow night if you want to join."
3. "You connect the male coaxial cable to the female connector."
4. Any quote from the Office or Fast & Furious movies
Gay Male: "We're going to some gays bars tonight"
Straight Male: "Perfect, I love free drinks."
Gay Male: "Literally nobody invited you."
1. "Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?"
2. "We're having our Fantasy League NFL draft tomorrow night if you want to join."
3. "You connect the male coaxial cable to the female connector."
4. Any quote from the Office or Fast & Furious movies
Gay Male: "We're going to some gays bars tonight"
Straight Male: "Perfect, I love free drinks."
Gay Male: "Literally nobody invited you."
by CST507 November 12, 2021