Surprise? Jesus!

Waking up to active morning sex to find someone you would not have chosen to have sex with had you been sober.

After a long night at the club, I woke to morning sex, saw them and said “Surprise? Jesus!”

by Deckard253x May 20, 2020

Jesus Christ Lizard

Also known as a Chinese Water Dragon, a lizard that’s well-known for its ability to run on water.

Holy sh*t! Did you see that Jesus Christ Lizard running on water?!

by GsxrBarbie May 29, 2018

Mach Jesus

Mach Jesus is a way to describe something faster than anything in the universe.
If you cant measure how fast the "object" is going, just say "Mach Jesus".
Mach is something used to measure speed.

"News reporter: A missile headed towards a random island going mach jesus has been detected by the navy"

by SidneysHandle404 February 19, 2024

jetway jesus

The act of a person using a wheelchair to obtain early boarding on a (usually) Southwest Airlines flight, only to miraculously be cured and not require the wheelchair to deplane at the destination. The scourge of passengers who follow the rules because those passengers board first and take up the prime front seats. Quite common on flights to Florida.

We had eight Jetway Jesus passengers on our flight.

by Iureport March 27, 2024

jesus muncher

Anybody who is part of a religion that has jesus as the son of god and is so devoted to where it sickens those around them

Bro im tring to hookup with that cute redhead

Dude dont bother she talks bout jesus and god too damn much she s a total jesus muncher

by MJP2100 December 26, 2013

Orange Jesus Christ

Orange Jesus Christ is an expletive interjection that refers to the Christian religious figure of Jesus Christ and Donald Trump combined. It is typically uttered in anger, surprise, or frustration; although often with humorous intent. It should be used when the more common expletive, Jesus Christ, is just not sufficient to explain the outrageousness of a situation. OJC is an acronym with the same meaning and use.

Have you been following American politics? Orange Jesus Christ it’s out of control.

by Blackduck21 February 5, 2024

Jesus

He is obviously Hispanic with an uncircumcised dick the size of a tic-tac. He will ALWAYS cheat on you and lie about it. He thinks he’s amazing but in reality he has very low self confidence. He’s a sex addict who will always break your heart.

“I can’t believe that Jesus cheated on me with my best friend”
“Why does this Jesus penis look like a turtle In it’s shell”

by Lukewarmlady April 2, 2022