Mexican time machine

While at work, to use the bathroom for before lunch/break. Usually an average of 10 minutes, however it’s not unusual to last up to 30 minutes. Bathroom use does not necessarily have to happen.

Julian: where are you going Luke? It’s not lunch yet for another 15 minutes!

Luke: I know, guess I’ll just have to use the Mexican Time Machine!

by Professor PAINAL September 25, 2025

Big John machine

Extremely expensive audio systems usually playing the song 'Big Bad John' in very high quality. Advertised on TikTok or other platforms.

What is that weirdly shaped thing? Ah, that's just my Big John machine *proceeds to play Big Bad John in high quality*

by KC-130 October 7, 2025

The Goon Machine

A guy who ejaculates 15+ times a day.

I saw "The Goon Machine."

by the dirty 6 7 meister October 21, 2025

Chula Vista Gumball Machine

The act of swirling your tongue in said person'a butthole making it loose then insert a quarter in your partner's urethra.

My home boy gave a Chula Vista Gumball Machine

by Francoux October 24, 2025

Vanilla Ice Cream Machine

A threesome involving at least two men. Both men ejaculate inside the third person. Then, they swap and suck each other's semen out of the third person.

Rick and Mick got super freaky with Sara and performed a vanilla ice cream machine.

by JulianKrauseLover97 November 1, 2025

Fairfax Fax Machine

When ur doin some long distance thang with a chick (or dude wtv), and you shit in a bag and freeze it, then ship it to your partner. Your partner then pisses in said bag, re freezes it and mails it back to you. You then piss on it and refreeze it and mail it back. Yall do this until the object has reached a prefered diamter, where you the meet up in person and use it as a double sided dildo, and leave it in until it melts.

Me and my long distance gf have got a Fairfax Fax Machine goin on rn.

by Wichita Wanker November 8, 2025

orphan crushing machine

A theoretical device referenced when someone performs an act of generosity of kindness that is only possible because a horrible system has been normalized. Usually seen in "feel good" stories in the news where a child sells a collection so they can afford cancer treatment or a military veteran receives a prosthesis because of a GoFundMe.

Local man saves 500 orphans from the orphan crushing machine!

That's great news! Wait... why is there a machine that crushes orphans?

by v022 December 5, 2025