Wish in one hand, shit in the other.

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one gets filled first." When a person wants the impossible.

Joe: We need world peace. Can't we just all get along?
Tom: Well Joe, Wish in one hand, shit in the other.

by ebensteben April 27, 2008

Don't shit in the hand that slaps you

To have respect for those who control your manners, paycheck, and just plain the way you act.

Such as.... 1) don't shit in the hand that slaps you as in your parents because they slap you with that hand by controlling your existence. 2) don't shit in the hand that slaps you as in your boss or supervisor because they control raises at review time and promotional futures. 3) don't shit in the hand that slaps you if of your wife or girlfriend because, well, we all know what she does with that hand don't we?

by OverHung October 31, 2011

I would rather shit on my hands and clap

When someone would like you to go, do or attend something you rather wouldn't.

Friend: hey do you wanna go for a Nandos?
Me: I would rather shit on my hands and clap.

by Drbigman May 28, 2016

wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which

You can take all of your wishes and wants, dreams, desires, and prayers, and put them all together....they still do not amount to shit.

Dad, I want a pony! Well, you can wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.

by Papa Bubbles November 5, 2017

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of.

A reply given to someone who wishes for something because a part of their life is unfair, basically stating that life is full of good and bad things. In essence, wishes mean nothing.

This is the earliest version of the saying, with the reference to Germans eating shit coming from American soldiers in WWII.

You know what they say Ted: Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of.

by Bill Tetley June 19, 2011

Shit in your hand and clap

A phrase that displays disdain, anger or frustration.

Scout from Team Fortress 2: What the hell is you guys' problem?!
Some guy: Shit in your hand and clap.
Scout from Team Fortress 2: But then I'll have shit in TWO hands!

by ChickenBiscuits27 January 22, 2024