Jesus

Some holy guy with a cool beard

Wasn’t Jesus that one guy who fucking died and came back to life

by Dog muncher123 November 3, 2018

Jesus

(This definition coming from a Jew) May or may not be the son of God, but still a good guy with a straight message. But his messages were horribly misinterpreted by millions to mean that if you don't believe in him, then you are a sinner and must be attacked until you accept his religion, actually not his religion, his followers religions (Jesus was jewish). Eventually was nailed to a piece of wood and killed by Romans. Apperantly resurrected, (which in present day we celebrate by painting eggs, wtf!?). And uhh, I don't remember the rest, well that parts not important. Anyway, his message was get along. Christians need to chill with that high and mighty shit.

Jesus: Get along
Hitler: Kill Jews? Okay!
Jesus: No you retards!

by 187withmydickinyourmouth April 18, 2010

Jesus

A nice guy who taught love, kindness, tolerance, etc. Sacrificed himself because we're all giant penises. Now people claim to follow his teachings, but just screw them over.

Oh look, there's Jesus over there! The world's gonna end.

by Poop N Scoop July 19, 2005

Jesus

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL

"OH MY GOD, IS THAT JESUS?
"YES MY SON, NOW BEND OVER"

by CODELAZARRRRRRRRRRRRRR April 14, 2019

Jesus

The guy, whom most Christian girls are overjesused about.

Sandra: I love Jesus SOOO much. He is my friend!

Kate: Yes, so is mine! I really love Jesus.

Tom: You should probably find some REAL friends, gals...

Kate & Sandra: -______-

by Xfing May 27, 2009

The Jesus

Someone that nobody fucks with.

"Nobody fucks with The Jesus!" - The Jesus

by shnoogins07 December 20, 2008

Jesus

Probably was a really top bloke who lived 2000 years ago. On the level, talked sense, encouraged everyone just to get along with each other.
Murdered by the authorities who saw him as a threat.
Now worshipped as the son of God.
Closest modern day comparisons would be John Lennon or Martin Luther King (both also murdered).

"Jesus was a black man
No Jesus was Batman"

Shaun Ryder - 1995

by Manx Bloke July 13, 2007