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Jonathan Papelbon

A closer for the Boston Red Sox who single-handedly blew his team's entire 2009 season in one winning against the Angels.

When the All Star Game was held in New York in 2008 he made the mistake of saying he should close instead of Mariono Rivera. Rivera is both the Yankees' closer and best closer of all time so you think it goes without saying that he gets to close when the game is held in his team's city.

Papelbon, who is from Louisiana and probably didn't finish grade school, didn't understand this and when Yankee fans expressed their outrage at his comment, he claimed he became frightened for his pregnant wife when him and her participated in the parade before the game.

He is a complete moron and yokel who probably has sex with his sister.
Baseball fan: How did the Red Sox do in the playoffs in 2009?

Red Sox fan: They did pretty well but if it wasn't for Jonathan Papelbon who knows how far they could've gone.

Baseball fan: Yeah, he really fucked you guys huh?

Red Sox fan: Amazing how 1 guy was able to blow an entire season in 1 inning.
by HedoRick September 17, 2010
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Papelbon that ho

A derivative of the superman: when a girl is passed out you dance on her back in a manner similar to Red Sox pitcher Jonathan Papelbon.
Papelbon that ho!

that chick was passed out and I papelboned that ho!
by belldo November 26, 2007
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Paleoporn

1. Porn involving old people or at least one old person.
2. A euphemism for anyone over age 30 getting laid.
3. A way to insult someone by letting them know they're banging a dinosaur.
My roommate spent last night shooting paleoporn until 2 am.

Wow, she's hot. Like Jurassic hot. When did you get into paleoporn?
by Human paraquat June 23, 2018
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