Curb Hermits (noun) —
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
In the wild:
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
by Heyitspatt May 29, 2025
Get the Curb Hermits mug.Also known as a "garden hermit"; a person hired by wealthy landowners in the 18th century to live in solitude in a specially built hermitage, folly, or grotto on their estate, acting as a living decoration. They were expected to embody the qualities of a druid and live a secluded life, often with specific rules like growing their hair and beard long and not washing. In return for their service, they received lodging, food, and a stipend. Landowners and their guests might occasionally consult their garden hermits for advice, stories, or entertainment.
Landowners placed advertisements in local newspapers seeking ornamental hermits to live on their property for long spans of time (7 years, in one instance).One legend goes that someone's ornamental hermit was found drinking at a local pub 3 weeks into their tenure, thus breaching their contract.
by A. Patmos November 27, 2025
Get the ornamental hermit mug.Someone who's not in the mood to see anyone. They want to be alone, similar to a hermit in its shell.
Austin: Bro, you see Johnny lately?
Nick: Man, he's been a hermit lately forget it.
Austin: He'll come around.
Nick: Man, he's been a hermit lately forget it.
Austin: He'll come around.
by RealBananas January 17, 2019
Get the Hermit mug.A vomiting pussy when it is fed too much SPERMATOZOA and afterward the object is to make sure the wrong pieces go KNOW WHERE.
Look we are just going to have to play the HERMIT GAME as between these CELLS and INTERFEARON NETWORKS our privacy is under serious invasion every day with you girl.
by INSERT CAREFULLY October 2, 2021
Get the HERMIT GAME mug.The Definition of a cunt
by LyinFoo January 23, 2017
Get the boris the hermit mug.by A person who is alive November 6, 2014
Get the Half Hermit mug.My favorite hermit is Mumbo Jumbo.
by Mattjod July 29, 2021
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