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Dick Church

Founded by the first king of dicks and his council of cocks. Worshipping the dick kings dick. It is all powerful and grants the gift of life. It is a sin to cum in a place other then the woman's vagina because it's considered a wasted life. Our greatest holiday is in the month of December. It is called dickcember. For 31 days a group of 12 or more people, 6 males and 6 females, are locked in a room where they then have a battle royal with their genitals. The last one standing is crowned king of dicks until the next dickcember.

Worshipping takes place on the equinoxes. To hail the sun and the moon as they cum together
by Constrain December 6, 2017
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Church Yelling

When you smoke pot while taking a back road on the way home.
Mike: Dude, take the back road today.

Josh: Why?

Mike: Because I got a bag of weed, we can go church yelling.

Josh: Sweet.
by Olympic Jackass December 10, 2011
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The Church

That's your fucking story? That the church swooped in and stopped all the raping and pillaging?
Hym "Holy shit you ACTUALLY did it! You gave the church credit for stopping rape. Go watch it. Everybody was raping and pillaging. Then the agricultural revolution happened and the people who hoarded resources started out-reproducing everyone. Then the church came along marriage saved everyone from rape... Except nobody told Christopher Columbus because I'm pretty sure his guys were raping and pillaging. There's some skepticism around it regarding his diary claiming that in his diary he told them not to rape. I know you're going to say here 'Columbus didn't work for the church!' And he didn't fucking have to you idiot. If the 'central guiding ethos' is the cause of everything that happens in a culture then it's the central guiding ethos. And as far as the bible is concerned, rape is rewarded. If you rape someone, according to the bible, you have to take the person as your wife. So, it's like pissing on a tree. There are MEN who ALMOST get raped in the bible. And the guy is like 'No, please, take my prostitute and daughter instead.' And take the daughter and prostitute they did. They didn't like the prostitute. They chopped her up pretty good. But it actively takes credit for every moral advancement humans make in real time. It didn't do that. It just unified the whites under one banner and the it came for eberyone else. Still, it's closer to MY theory of historical inter-sexual relationships than the red-pill dorks so... CORRECT AGAIN! The correctest man strikes again!"
by Hym Iam November 13, 2023
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The π = 3 Church

When believers subscribe to the uncompromising view that any numbers or fractions mentioned in, or mathematical constants derived from, the Bible must be taken literally with zero room for approximation, adulteration, or subtraction.
Founded by a group of Bible literalists-turned-theomaticians, the π = 3 Church has so far failed to appeal to pre-believers and the converted, especially those who’re allergic to school or college math, despite regularly distributing free pies and pizzas to the poor in the community.
by Fasters February 12, 2023
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The church kids

Stereotypical Trump loving, started smoking at 13, love 2 hunt & fish, redneck type
The church kids started a fire in one of their back yards after communion last Sunday.
by Franz Ferdinand June 26, 2025
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Church

The Last Name Church Means Your Mother and Father Will Always Stick Together if You Do Something Wrong Your Punishment Is Probably Going To Fuck You Over
Did You Hear Those Church parents Last night

Yes I Did
by Harry1727 November 23, 2021
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