Andre Onana

Manchester United's non-goalkeeper / goalletter. Signed by the notorious idiot Erik ten Haram for 50M quid after kicking club legend David de Gea out of the club, it has since become apparent that Onana had been cosplaying as a footballer all this time. His hands are made of poppadom and he is often called Dracula because he too is allergic to crosses. He is the type of goalkeeper that strikes confidence into the hearts of the opposition.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA FOR FUCK'S SAKE ONANA YOU FUCKING TWAT" - Mark Goldbridge after watching Andre Onana make his 69th blunder of the season

by Untar la Manteca August 10, 2025

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andre

he is the type of person who makes even the smallest moments feel like poetry. he has an irresistible charm, a smile that could fight against the sun's beam, and a way of seeing the world that makes you believe in something that seemed impossible. he is telesa's boyfriend and husband forever and ever

andre looks so cute on every little thing he does, i hope he realizes that.

by chalap January 27, 2025

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andre del mundo

he is the type of person who makes even the smallest moments feel like poetry. he has an irresistible charm, a smile that could fight against the sun's beam, and a way of seeing the world that makes you believe in something that seemed impossible. he is telesa's boyfriend and husband forever and ever

andre del mundo looks so cute on every little thing he does, i hope he realizes that.

by chalap January 28, 2025

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Andre

A man of greatness. The greatest you will ever meet. Not only that, but he is the coolest living being in the earth. Much cooler than Jesse.

Also known for being the greatest Fortnite player in North Korea

Andre is cooler than the person reading this

by DaVinke February 8, 2025

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