Standard weapon of a medieval european knight and well trained men-at-arms. Designed to be used on one hand whilst the other one holding a shield. It was much rarer than those Hollywood shows and movies would make people believe.
It was designed to cut and slash through heavy chainmails and plate armours. So it was heavier and stronger than most swords of its time.
Bastard-sword was just a mixture of a two-handed greatsword and a long-sword
During sex, when a man is so overwhelmed by the thought that he has "gotta go fast", that he starts to lose his erection. It may become useful again, but isn't ready to stand up to any special challenges.