Skip to main content

tech support 

A service offered by companies unable to create products that work consistently and/or at all. Most often available via telephone, this service involves one or more employees asking for all of your information short of your fucking eye color, after which, said one or more employees will offer vague, unhelpful suggestions that can already be found in your appliance's manual. If none of said vague, unhelpful suggestions result in an unlikely success, employees will lamely request you attempt to turn off, and turn back on said appliance, after which said employee will A: Disconnect your call or B: Transfer you to an equally unhelpful department.
Tech support: Hello, this is 1-800-WEREUSELESS, how may we be of assistance to you?

Dave: Hi, I'm phoning because I can't seem to turn my computer on.

Tech support: I'll need some information first, is that okay with you sir?

Dave: Sure, go ahead.

Tech support: Age?

Dave: 43.

Tech support: Name?

Dave: Dave.

Tech support: Account number and password?

Dave: I kind of forget. Where could I find those?

Tech support: Length of your fully erect reproductive organ?

Dave: What?

Tech support: I'm sorry sir, let me transfer you to the Baby Clothing department.
tech support by Haven R. May 6, 2008

Tech Slapped 

To be put in one's place whilst discussing technology, by another person who's tech knowledge far surpasses your own, likely after wrongly trying to impress others with your own mediocre tech knowledge.
This can be thought of as the non-physical, tech analogy to being "bitch slapped". Though not necessary, greater effect can be realized, by starting the Tech Slap with the word, "Actually". The more in-depth, technical knowledge given, the harder the Slap.
Slappee: "Did you know that the latest satellites can read a license plate on a moving car?"
Slapper: "Actually, government satellites have been able to do that since 1984 with the NSA's May launch of Uberview. Today's satellites, with their multi-iris, 45 Megapixel, full spectrum CCD sensors could now be used to determine the sex and eye color of a second trimester fetus."
Observer to Slappee: "Dude, you just got Tech Slapped."
Tech Slapped by PA Bucket November 22, 2011
a computer engineer is tech savy when it comes to computer hardware, software, programs, etc.
tech savy by MDChrissie August 10, 2005

tech support 

interjection
an expression of gratitude, used when someone comes through for you.
note on usage: cannot be used as an adjective
Person 1: "Shit, I forgot my wallet!"
Person 2: "It's cool, it's on me."
Person 1: "Tech support."

Improper use: "It was totally tech support when you came through for me on that kidney transplant."
tech support by epl May 26, 2008

Tech Support 

Microsoft tech support
Caller: Hello?

Indian sounding man: Welcome to tech support how may I help you?

Caller: I’m signed out of my account

Indian sounding man: Oklahoma to continue please give me your Name,Adress,Email, Phone number and bank info
Tech Support by Sworder33 November 18, 2021

Ugandan tech support

Indian tech support but Ugandan.
Hello, this is Ugandan tech support, your computer has virus!
Ugandan tech support by Flabbo Man January 20, 2021